


"Earth's Mightoest Heroes"

by fullmetalheart



Series: "Earth's Mightoest Heroes" 'Verse [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Not Canon Compliant, Peter Parker & Shuri Friendship, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Sorry Not Sorry, and they all like each other now, bc friendship, bc i honestly dont know where im going with this, chat fic, ill add to the tags as i go, its chaos, its like a vague universe where everyone lived, not furry friendly, peter and shuri made a groupchat, peter constantly makes typos, peter is literally the equivalent to a puppy, sam misses everything, steve rogers is a mom, they just keep adding ppl to the chat and it gets more wild, thor and loki dont stop bickering, tony is constantly done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-05-25 20:39:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 20,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14985164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullmetalheart/pseuds/fullmetalheart
Summary: arrow guy: why has no one named the chat yet?the spiderman: oh i forgot!!the spiderman has named the group chat “Earth’s Mightoest Heroes”.memelord: MIGHTOESTthe spiderman: oh shit typoThe Tony Stark: He said a bad language word Steve.Steve Rogers: Can you stop that was like four years ago.





	1. "Earth's Mightoest Heroes"

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys its nearly 1 AM and i dont know what im doing with my life anymore but enjoy i guess :)

_memelord has sent you a private message._

 

**3:45 AM**

memelord: yo

memelord: pete

memelord: I know ur awake

 

**4:02 AM**

the spiderman: dude what

the spiderman: i was watching vine compilations

 

memelord: ofc u were u do nothing else with ur time

 

the spiderman: i came here to have a good time and im honestly feeling rly attacked rn

 

memelord: peter.

 

the spiderman: shuri.

 

the memelord: avengers groupchat.

 

the spiderman: what??

 

 memelord: think about how hectic that would be

 

the spiderman: genius.

 

memelord: thats what i am

 

**5:47 AM**

_the spiderman has created a new group chat._

_the spiderman added memelord._

 

memelord: isnt it almost 6 AM for u rn

 

the spiderman: yes

 

memelord: mood

memelord: maybe u should wait until a more reasonable time to add everyone

 

the spiderman: oh yeah thats a good idea

 

memelord: aka common sense

 

the spiderman: leave me alone :/

 

memelord: never.

 

the spiderman: wait i dont have anyone’s contact info except for mr stark

the spiderman: shuri

the spiderman: shuri help

 

**12:46 PM**

_memelord added T’challa and sad white boy._

 

T’challa: What is this?

 

memelord: peter and i are trying to make an avengers group chat but we dont have everyones contact info

 

sad white boy: i have steve’s

 

T’challa: Peter?

 

sad white boy: isn’t that the weird spider kid?

sad white boy: also shuri change my username back i don’t know how to work this app

 

memelord: no

 

the spiderman: yes that’s me!!

 

sad white boy: hi

sad white boy: do i even count as an avenger?

 

memelord: ur practically captain america’s boyfriend ur fine

 

the spiderman: omg

 

sad white boy: ok

 

the spiderman: he doesn’t even deny it im cryinf

 

_sad white boy added Steve Rogers._

Steve Rogers: Uh hello?

 

sad white boy: hi stevie

 

Steve Rogers: Bucky? What happened to your username?

 

sad white boy: shuri happened.

 

the spiderman: hi cap! remember me im spiderman!

 

memelord: omg peter are u fanboying

 

the spiderman: NO IM NOT

 

memelord: u are

memelord: im laughing so hard rn

 

the spiderman: SHUT UP

 

Steve Rogers: Hi Peter, I remember you. Tony told me about you.

 

the spiderman: IM SCREMAING HI HELLLO

 

_T’challa has left the group chat._

memelord: nope not on my watch

_memelord added T’challa._

 

T’challa: I had to try.

 

the spiderman: im gonna add mr stark now!!

 

sad white boy: oh no

 

Steve Rogers: Oh no

 

_the spiderman added I Am Iron Man._

I Am Iron Man: Hello.

I Am Iron Man: What is this exactly?

 

the spiderman: avengers groupchat!!

the spiderman: except i don’t have everyone’s info so its just kinda empty

 

I Am Iron Man: Hold on let me change my username. The dramatic flair is great but it’s too long.

_I Am Iron Man changed their username to The Tony Stark._

Steve Rogers: Hi Tony.

 

The Tony Stark: Hey Rogers.

 

sad white boy: that isn’t much shorter

 

The Tony Stark: Is that you Barnes?

 

sad white boy: yes

 

The Tony Stark: I love your username.

 

sad white boy: well that makes one of us

sad white boy: shuri wont tell me how to change it

sad white boy: wait

sad white boy: wait a second

 

memelord: hes leveling up

 

the spiderman: no hes eVOLVING

 

_sad white boy changed their username to bucky._

bucky: oh hell yes

 

memelord: that took u so long ur such a grandpa

 

bucky: im better than steve

 

Steve Rogers: Hey!

 

T’challa: I was honestly expecting the three of them to start fighting again.

 

The Tony Stark: Oh, ye of little faith.

 

bucky: we’re over it now

bucky: defeating a giant purple space eggplant together will do that

 

Steve Rogers: ^^^

 

memelord: wow i cant believe steve knows how to use those like that

 

Steve Rogers: Bucky did it once.

 

memelord: that explains it

 

the spiderman: wait we still have more people to add

the spiderman: like everyone

the spiderman: we literally have to add everyone

 

_The Tony Stark added, Rocky Rhodes, Vision, and Nat._

Rocky Rhodes: Whatever this is I want out of it.

 

The Iron Man: Aww Sugar Bear don’t be like that.

 

Vision: Hello.

 

Nat: Hi :)

 

_Steve Rogers added arrow guy, Falconista, and Wanda._

memelord: omg steve!! you know how to add ppl to a chat im so proud of you!!

 

the spiderman: FALCONISTA I SPI.T oUT MY DRRINK

 

Steve Rogers: Thanks?

 

Nat: I think I know what this is and against my better judgement I am 100% here for it.

Nat: also hi Clint.

 

arrow guy: hi nat

arrow guy: is this an avengers group chat?

 

the spiderman: yup!!

 

memelord: yes don’t try to leave or ill add u back

 

arrow guy: uh okay then

arrow guy: who even are you?

 

T’challa: That would be my younger sister.

 

arrow guy: oh

 

Rocky Rhodes: Oh that makes a lot more sense

 

The Tony Stark: I suddenly understand how this chat was born.

The Tony Stark: I didn’t realize that was Shuri but now everything makes sense.

The Tony Stark: I let her and Peter loose in my labs once.

The Tony Stark: That was one of the biggest mistakes of my entire life.

 

arrow guy: peter?

 

the spiderman: me!!

 

arrow guy: oh yeah

 

Nat: Hello fellow arachnid.

 

the spiderman: OHMYGOD aNSJBKAVSJCJav kVDHGg hglsjbjkvJHV

 

The Tony Stark: You okay kid?

 

Steve Rogers: Oh wow

 

bucky: rip

 

memelord: rip

 

Vision: He appears to have malfunctioned.

 

Nat: I didn’t mean to break you come back.

 

the spiderman: sORRY I JUST FORGOT HOW TO BREATHE FOR A SECOND THERE IM FINE

 

Rocky Rhodes: That doesn’t sound fine.

 

the spiderman: no im good!!

 

The Tony Stark: He’s fine this happens regularly.

The Tony Stark: Particularly when someone mentions Thor.

 

memelord: fanboy.

 

the spiderman: shut up

 

Nat: Oh hi you’re back.

 

the spiderman: yes.ssd

 

The Tony Stark: Peter you literally break every time you talk to a new Avenger.

 

arrow guy: he didn’t react this way to me

 

bucky: that’s because its you

 

arrow guy: excuse me?

 

the spiderman: i think you’re cool too hawkeye!!

 

memelord: you just never were a celebrity crush of his

 

the spiderman: sToP ExpOsiNG Me

 

Steve Rogers: Wait I was a celebrity crush of yours?

 

The Tony Stark: This is hilarious.

 

arrow guy: i thought i was sexy :(

 

Rocky Rhodes: No.

 

The Tony Stark: No.

 

bucky: no.

 

arrow guy: okay ouch

 

_Falconista is online._

 

The Tony Stark: Oh look who FINALLY decided to show up.

 

Falconista: ……

_Falconista has left the group chat._

 

_memelord added Falconista._

memelord: no you don’t

memelord: bad falcon

 

Falconista: Ugh

 

Steve Rogers: Hi Sam

 

Falconista: Oh hi Steve

 

bucky: gross its you

 

Falconista: For once in your life can you not be a dick?

 

bucky: no

bucky: my life is sad

bucky: this is what it has turned me into

 

Steve Rogers: Bucky :(

 

The Tony Stark: I feel awkward now I don’t know how to conduct myself in this situation.

 

arrow guy: same

 

_Wanda is online_

 

Vision: Hello Wanda.

 

arrow guy: ofc he comes back right as she logs on

 

Wanda: Hi

 

the spiderman: hi!! im peter!! do you remember me?

 

Wanda: From the airport?

 

the spiderman: yup!!

 

memelord: why is peter introducing himself to avengers actually the purest thing

 

The Tony Stark: It’s adorable.

 

Nat: I want to protect him.

 

the spiderman: !!!!!!!

 

memelord: hes usually not this nice

 

the spiderman: that’s because im usually talking to you

 

memelord: idk if i should be offended

 

arrow guy: why has no one named the chat yet?

 

the spiderman: oh i forgot!!

_the spiderman has named the group chat “Earth’s Mightoest Heroes”._

memelord: MIGHTOEST

 

the spiderman: oh shit typo

 

The Tony Stark: He said a bad language word Steve.

 

Steve Rogers: Can you stop that was like four years ago.

 

arrow guy: “LaNgUaGE”

 

Steve Rogers: Ugh you guys never let anything go.

 

Nat: Nope.

 

arrow guy: never.

 

The Tony Stark: It’s comedy gold.

The Tony Stark: Wait.

The Tony Stark: I FORGOT TO ADD BRUCE

The Tony Stark: HOW COULD I FORGET MY SCIENCE BRO

The Tony Stark: He says he doesn’t want to be added.

The Tony Stark: Should I just add him anyway?

The Tony Stark: Wait where did everyone go?

The Tony Stark: Guys.

The Tony Stark: Guys please.


	2. If you love me let me go.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Peter and Tony don't sleep, the Revengers have a group chat, and our favorite God of Mischief pays a brief visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know i have online school stuff to be doing or an actual chapter fic to be writing but this is what im sitting here doing.  
> theres something oddly addicting about writing this.

_the spiderman has sent a video message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

_[Video consists of Spider-Man falling face first into concrete. The video gets played a second time, instead this time his descent is slowed down and has the chorus from Panic! At the Disco’s This Is Gospel playing at excessively high volumes.]_

 

**4:05 AM**

the spiderman: if you love me let me gOOOOOOOO

 

The Tony Stark: Peter it’s 4 AM.

 

the spiderman: your point is?

 

The Tony Stark: How are you still alive?

 

the spiderman: honestly idk

 

memelord: PETER OHMYGODHAHAHA I CANT BREATHE

 

the spiderman: :)

**4:20 AM**

the spiderman: 420 blaze it

 

_Vision is online._

 

The Tony Stark: Go to bed Peter.

 

memelord: i renounce my friendship with u

 

Vision: I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean Peter.

 

the spiderman: shuri no :(

 

The Tony Stark: It’s a meme thing Vision don’t worry about it.

 

Vision: Oh alright then.

 

memelord: poor vision just spends his entire time in the groupchat confused

 

the spiderman: shouldn’t you be going to bed too mr stark

 

The Tony Stark: No, I don’t function during normal people hours.

 

_arrow guy is online._

arrow guy: im pretty sure you don’t function ever

 

The Tony Stark: Did you seriously just come online to insult me?

 

arrow guy: yes.

 

_Rocky Rhodes is online._

Rocky Rhodes: Barton has a point.

 

_The Tony Stark has left the group chat._

 

_memelord added The Tony Stark._

_The Tony Stark has left the group chat._

_memelord added The Tony Stark._

memelord: no u dont

 

The Tony Stark: If you love me let me go.

 

memelord: good thing i don’t love you then

 

_The Tony Stark has kicked memelord from the group chat._

 

arrow guy: oh my god your ego is so fragile

 

_The Tony Stark has kicked arrow guy from the group chat._

 

the spiderman: oh my god mr stark

the spiderman: i never gave you admin privileges??

 

The Tony Stark: I can hack.

 

Rocky Rhodes: Seriously Tony?

 

The Tony Stark: It’s 4:30 AM I don’t need to deal with this.

 

the spiderman: its actually 4:31

 

The Tony Stark: Don’t give me that sass or I’ll kick you too.

 

the spiderman: you cant kick the owner of the chat

the spiderman: i own this chat

the spiderman: im king here

 

The Tony Stark: Watch me.

 

the spiderman: wait i dont like that i take it back

 

The Tony Stark: That’s what I thought.

 

_the spiderman added memelord and arrow guy to the chat._

 

memelord: IM BACK

 

arrow guy: that was petty

 

The Tony Stark: You’re petty.

 

arrow guy: okay you’re not wrong

 

**9:07 AM**

_The Tony Stark added BB._

 

BB: Tony I thought I told you not to add me.

 

The Tony Stark: And I never listen to you so is this even a surprise?

The Tony Stark: We’re not even in the same building and I can hear your sigh.

 

BB: Yes, that’s how exasperated you made me.

 

the spiderman: dr banner!!! hi!!!

 

BB: Oh, hey you’re Peter right? Tony told me about you.

 

the spiderman: yes!!!

 

BB: Thor’s not in this?

 

The Tony Stark: Thor has a phone?

 

BB: Yeah he got one.

 

The Tony Stark: Does he even know how to use this app?

 

_LORD OF THUNDER sent a message to The Revengers (r bettr thn the avngers)._

**9:12 AM**

LORD OF THUNDER: Loki just turned into a snake and stabbed me for the fifth time.

 

God of Mischief: Oh, get over it you’re barely even bleeding.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: THE WOUND IS GUSHING BLOOD LOKI

 

God of Mischief: Whatever.

 

_BB sent a message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

 

**9:12 AM**

BB: Uh yeah he does.

BB: Is the name of this chat a typo?

 

the spiderman: yep

 

The Tony Stark: You should add him.

 

the spiderman: wAIT REALLY I DON’T THINK MY HEART COULD TAKE THAT

 

BB: Sure.

 

the spiderman: KBAHBAKJBKHBKHABJHVKGSVJHSVLALAGLUSVLQAVLYyhvshcjbizgzcuasbc

 

BB: ???

 

The Tony Stark: Don’t worry this is a regular occurrence.

 

BB: Okay then.

_BB added LORD OF THUNDER._

 

The Tony Stark: Hey Thor welcome to the Avengers group chat.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Oh hello my friends!!

 

the spiderman: ANHDVBLDB. JABK . JBGYFUTv

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Hello!!! You must be the young spiderling I have heard so much about.

 

the spiderman: peter.exe has stopped working

 

_memelord is online._

memelord: oh hey new people

memelord: im shuri btw

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Shuri!!! It is nice to speak with you again.

 

memelord: hi thor

memelord: i think you broke peter

 

LORD OF THUNDER: That was not my intention.

 

memelord: oh yeah i know he just has a massive crush on you

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Does he really?

 

the spiderman: cAn YoU STOp ExPosiNG mE SHurI

 

The Tony Stark: This is incredible.

 

memelord: i second that

 

the spiderman: ugh i want out of this family

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I find myself wishing that quite regularly as well.

LORD OF THUNDER: Just a couple minutes ago Loki stabbed me.

LORD OF THUNDER: And now he’s demanding ice cream.

 

The Tony Stark: Oh yeah, I forgot your megalomaniac brother is living with you now.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: He helped save the people of Asgard and fought valiantly with us against Thanos.

 

The Tony Stark: Didn’t he fake his death and appear in the final minutes of the battle on Wakanda only to stab Thanos and tell him “I’m alive bitch”?

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Yes, that is his way of fighting valiantly.

 

the spiderman: i want to meet your brother

 

memelord: me too bc what an icon

 

The Tony Stark: He also tried to subjugate Earth.

 

the spiderman: everyone’s favorite characters are always the antiheroes

 

memelord: yes

 

The Tony Stark: This is real life.

 

the spiderman: character development!!!

 

The Tony Stark: Peter that’s not how it works.

 

BB: No that’s actually accurate.

BB: He’s still a problematic little bitch but he’s less… psychotic.

 

memelord: does he have a phone

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Yes.

 

memelord: Does he have this app?

 

 

_God of Mischief sent a private message to LORD OF THUNDER._

**9:25 AM**

God of Mischief: Thor the ice cream isn’t in the freezer.

God of Mischief: Thor come help me find it.

God of Mischief: Thor.

God of Mischief: Thor I know you’re there.

 

 

_LORD OF THUNDER sent a message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

**9:26 AM**

LORD OF THUNDER: Yes.

LORD OF THUNDER: He’s actually spamming my phone right now.

LORD OF THUNDER: I muted him.

 

memelord: that’s an accurate representation of sibling relationships

memelord: we should add him

 

The Tony Stark: Shuri no.

 

_Nat is online._

Nat: I don’t think that’s a good idea.

 

_arrow guy is online._

arrow guy: how about no.

 

_Steve Rogers is online._

Steve Rogers: Wait are we seriously talking about adding Loki?

 

memelord: WE SHOULD ADD HIM

 

The Tony Stark: No.

 

Steve Rogers: No.

 

Nat: No.

 

arrow guy: no.

 

the spiderman: yes.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Peter is the owner of this chat; therefore, I shall defer to his judgement.

 

the spiderman: I MAdE A WeIRD STRANGLed NoiSE AT tHe BaCK oF MY THroaT

 

arrow guy: who uses semi colons while texting?

 

The Tony Stark: Thor does apparently.

 

_LORD OF THUNDER added God of Mischief._

arrow guy: oh god

 

The Tony Stark: Why is this what my life has come to?

 

Nat: Well this should be interesting.

 

Steve Rogers: No one listens to me anymore.

 

_God of Mischief is typing…_

arrow guy: hes there guys

 

The Tony Stark: I think he’s writing an essay.

 

Nat: Maybe you should kick him Tony.

 

The Tony Stark: I already tried.

The Tony Stark: Peter blocked my admin privileges.

The Tony Stark: I can’t hack around it easily anymore I think he put up some firewalls.

The Tony Stark: I would be annoyed but I’m too proud.

 

_God of Mischief is typing…_

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Wait I think I know why he’s typing such a long message.

 

God of Mischief: **THOR YOU USELESS BLUNDERING OAF TELL ME WHERE YOU PUT THE ICE CREAM OR I SWEAR ON MY OWN LIFE THAT I WILL END YOU. DO YOU SERIOUSLY HAVE THE AUDACITY TO NOT ONLY HIDE THE ONLY THING WORTH EATING ON THIS ENTIRE REALM BUT ALSO PUT ME ON MUTE ONLY TO ADD ME TO THIS IDIOTIC GROUP CHAT?? YOU WILL FACE THE WRATH OF THE GOD OF MISCHIEF, SON OF ODIN, PRINCE OF ASGARD, AND RIGHTFUL KING OF JOTUNHEIM IF YOU DO NOT INFORM ME OF ITS LOCATION. THIS IS NOT AN IDLE THREAT. YOU WILL BE ENDLESSLY TORMENTED BY THE UNIVERSE’S MOST COMPETENT TRICKSTER. DO NOT TAKE ME LIGHTLY.**

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Loki did you check the freezer in the garage?

 

God of Mischief: What?

God of Mischief: We have a freezer in the garage?

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Yes, Valkyrie added it last week.

 

God of Mischief: Why did no one inform me of this?

God of Mischief: Ah yes, thank you Brother.

God of Mischief: Well I’ll be going now.

God of Mischief: Unmute me or you’ll wake up with roaches crawling in your sheets.

_God of Mischief has left the group chat._

 

The Tony Stark: That was wild.

 

arrow guy: im so happy he left

 

Nat: I’m a little disappointed.

 

memelord: im gonna add him again.

 

arrow guy: NO

 

Steve Rogers: Why is this group chat so exhausting?

 

_Falconista is online._

Falconista: Hey guys what did I miss?


	3. ur a furry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki likes cats, furries are discussed, Thor's innocence is lost, and Peter realizes his whole life is a lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly it was never my intention to be updating this daily but im having way too much fun with this so here we are

_BB has sent a video message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

_[Video opens with Loki in casual Midgardian wear crouching down in front of a small black cat.]_

**_[audio transcript]_ **

_ Bruce: “Thor I think he found an evil conspirator.” _

_ *camera flips onto Bruce* _

_ Bruce: “He’s plotting something guys. This is too pure.” _

_ *Thor appears on camera on Bruce’s left* _

_ Thor: “Shhh, he’ll hear us.” _

_ Bruce: “You be quiet then.” _

_ *camera flips back onto Loki, Thor and Bruce can be heard in the background aggressively shushing each other* _

_ Loki: “Come here little one. I promise you food and shelter.” _

_ *Bruce and Thor start bickering, Loki notices and looks up* _

_ Loki: “Are you recording me?” _

_ Bruce: “Oh shit!” _

_ *whoever is recording fumbles and drops the device, camera is now pointing at Thor and Bruce’s shoes* _

_ Thor: “I TOLD YOU HE WOULD HEAR US!” _

_ Bruce: “THAT’S ONLY BECAUSE YOU WOULDN’T SHUT UP!” _

_ *Loki sighs* _

_ Loki: “I’m moving out.” _

_ *Bruce picks up the camera, recording ends with an image of a very disgruntled looking Loki holding the cat* _

**2:57 PM**

BB: He kept the cat.

 

The Tony Stark: Oh my God.

 

the spiderman: an icon

 

memelord: our favorite icon

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Loki would enjoy being known as an ‘icon’.

 

arrow guy: ofc he would

arrow guy: he’s a total attention whore

arrow guy: even when he was a supervillain

 

Steve Rogers: I think he may have been worse back during his supervillain days.

 

_bucky is online._

bucky: steve get on skype

 

Steve Rogers: Okay.

 

The Tony Stark: Why didn’t you just private message him?

 

memelord: bc its bucky he does what he wants

memelord: did you know he hERDS GOATS over here

memelord: for no reason other than the fact that he wants to

 

the spiderman: i want to visit wakanda someday :/

the spiderman: wait shuri we’re practically internet friends

 

memelord: u just now realized that?

memelord: we literally live on opposite ends of the world

 

the spiderman: you don’t have to be mean :(

 

The Tony Stark: Okay but are we just going to ignore the fact that Barnes is a goat herder?

 

arrow guy: ive been laughing about it the whole time the children were talking

 

the spiderman: im 18!!!

 

memelord: im smarter than u soooo

 

The Tony Stark: Still a kid Peter.

 

the spiderman: well im smarter than clint too so

 

The Tony Stark: Yeah I’ll give you that.

 

arrow guy: wow.

 

bucky: whats wrong with herding goats?

 

memelord: nothing its just hilarious to imagine

 

The Tony Stark: It just seems so out of character.

 

bucky: i do what i want

 

Steve Rogers: The call crashed Buck.

 

bucky: well no shit thats why im here

 

Steve Rogers: Okay.

 

the spiderman: HAHAHA CAP SOUNDS SO SALTY

 

memelord: hes a mood

 

BB: The cat scratched Thor.

 

The Tony Stark: Of course it did.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Loki is blaming me for it.

 

The Tony Stark: Well, what did you do?

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I just patted her stomach.

 

memelord: oh well then you were asking for it

 

The Tony Stark: Yup.

 

the spiderman: never touch a cat’s stomach

 

memelord: ^^^ trust me i live with t’challa

 

_T’challa is online._

T’challa: How many times do I have to tell you that I am not a cat?

 

memelord: ur a furry

 

The Tony Stark: I choked on my coffee.

 

the spiderman: I CANTT BReATHE

 

_T’challa has left the group chat._

 

LORD OF THUNDER: What is a ‘furry’?

 

BB: I don’t know if I want to be here to see this conversation.

 

the spiderman: mr thor you’re so innocent

the spiderman: the internet can be terrifying

 

LORD OF THUNDER: It is odd to be called innocent by an 18-year-old Midgardian when you have lived for over a thousand years and have killed more.

 

the spiderman: I DIDNT MEAN TO OFFEND YOU IM SORRY

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I am not offended do not worry. It’s just an odd feeling.

 

memelord: i mean hes not wrong tho

 

The Tony Stark: You are actually innocent when it comes to modern culture here.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: That is true.

 

BB: Is anyone gonna explain to him what a furry is?

 

The Tony Stark: Nope.

 

the spiderman: i don’t want to shatter his innocence

the spiderman: he doesn’t know what the human race is capable of yet i don’t want to ruin it

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Is this ‘furry’ thing really so horrible?

 

the spiderman: yes.

 

The Tony Stark: No.

The Tony Stark: The concept itself isn’t that bad, the problem is what people do with the concept.

 

memelord: its bad.

 

The Tony Stark: Okay yes it is I was just trying to stick up for my man T’challa.

 

memelord: HAHAH UR MY NEW FAVORITE

memelord: sorry peter

 

the spiderman: :(

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I still need someone to explain to me.

 

memelord: uhhhh

memelord: google it

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Good idea I shall.

 

the spiderman: thor no

 

The Tony Stark: It’s too late there’s no stopping him.

 

arrow guy: so who’s gonna add t’challa back?

 

_bucky added T’challa._

 

arrow guy: have you been lurking the whole time

 

bucky: yes.

 

Steve Rogers: So have I.

 

Nat: Me too.

 

BB: Natasha when did you even come online?

 

Nat: Don’t worry about it.

 

The Tony Stark: So… do you two still have that thing going?

 

BB: Ummm

 

Nat: Don’t ask Tony.

 

The Tony Stark: Right. Sorry. Don’t kill me please.

 

memelord: wow i want to be that powerful

memelord: black widow be my sensei

 

Nat: I will make you powerful, my apprentice.

 

memelord: yes!!!

 

the spiderman: oh no don’t give her that power

 

memelord: ur just jealous

 

the spiderman: yeah i am

 

_LORD OF THUNDER is online._

 

memelord: guys hes back!!

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I saw some images I can never remove from my brain.

LORD OF THUNDER: I have not felt regret this intensely since the first time I faced Thanos and lost.

 

memelord: HAHAHAHA

 

the spiderman: I WArNEd yoU

 

The Tony Stark: We should have told you not to look through the images.

 

arrow guy: oh my god

 

T’challa: Can we stop discussing this please?

 

memelord: ironic how the only furry here doesnt want to talk about furry culture

 

_T’challa has left the group chat._

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I believe I understand the joke now.

LORD OF THUNDER: But something confuses me.

LORD OF THUNDER: If you’re going to say that T’challa is a furry.

LORD OF THUNDER: Then by the same logic, wouldn’t Peter be one too?

 

The Tony Stark: OH MY GOD

 

memelord: THOR UR MY NEW FAVORITE

 

the spiderman: what

the spiderman: no

the spiderman: what

the spiderman: what

the spiderman: what

 

The Tony Stark: He’s broken.

 

the spiderman: what

the spiderman: no

 

memelord: IM LAUGHING SO HARD

 

the spiderman: no

 

arrow guy: i don’t think he ever thought about it like that before

 

the spiderman: what

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Am I wrong?

 

memelord: no ur perfect i love u

 

the spiderman: i hate this

the spiderman: i hate myself

the spiderman: i hate this life

the spiderman: this is the day i end it all

 

memelord: aAHBJHBSJHBJHAGHJVH

 

the spiderman: my whole life has been a lie.

 

The Tony Stark: Stop being so dramatic kid.

 

Steve Rogers: What is a furry?

Steve Rogers: I haven’t asked yet because I was hoping someone would explain it.

Steve Rogers: And now I’m too scared to look it up.

Steve Rogers: Also, is that seriously coming from you of all people Tony?

 

The Tony Stark: Okay you have a point.

 

bucky: call me and ill explain it steve

 

Steve Rogers: Thanks Buck.

 

arrow guy: why the hell do you know what it is?

 

bucky: shuri.

bucky: you learn things spending time with her.

 

The Tony Stark: You know that explains a lot actually.

 

arrow guy: wait

arrow guys: guys

arrow guy: wouldn’t peter technically be a buggy?

 

memelord: I YELLED OUT LOUD

 

_the spiderman has banned all online users from sending messages in the group chat._

 

**4:25 PM**

_Falconista is online._

Falconista: Why do I literally miss everything?


	4. Thor's Hugs™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Steve's worst nightmare comes to life, Loki and Valkyrie like to paint their nails, Thor gives great hugs, and the fact that Peter is the equivalent to a puppy is established.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys im back at it again with another chapter.  
> this one is so long, i dunno how it happened i just kept writing and bam i have over 2,000 words.  
> enjoy ;)

_IM NOT A FURRY has sent a message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes_

**3:05 AM**

IM NOT A FURRY: i unbanned you all but im not above deleting this chat entirely so don’t test me

 

memelord: UR USERNAME IM CRYING

 

IM NOT A FURRY: i don’t want to talk about it

 

The Tony Stark: Then why did you make that your username?

 

_IM NOT A FURRY changed their username to end me._

end me: ihy all

 

memelord: no you love me

 

end me: no

 

Steve Rogers: Do any of you ever sleep?

 

The Tony Stark: No.

 

memelord: no.

 

end me: no.

 

Steve Rogers: Oh my God.

 

memelord: we function off of depression naps

 

end me: yes

 

The Tony Stark: I just don’t sleep.

The Tony Stark: According to FRIDAY it has been 42 hours since I last slept.

 

end me: omg mr stark that’s bad

end me: go to sleep

 

The Tony Stark: No thanks.

 

memelord: ok even i am concerned

memelord: stop chugging coffee and go to sleep

 

The Tony Stark: No.

 

Steve Rogers: Tony…

 

The Tony Stark: Ugh I feel the mom friend vibe coming off Steve in waves.

 

Steve Rogers: Go to sleep Tony.

 

The Tony Stark: Okay FINE.

 

memelord: wow steve is powerful too

 

end me: the only people ive ever seen successfully tell mr stark what to do are him and nat

 

Steve Rogers: Berate him enough and you’ll eventually get him to listen.

 

end me: life lessons from steve rogers

end me: its like those videocasts they show at school

 

memelord: what

 

Steve Rogers: Please don’t.

 

_arrow guy is online_

arrow guy: what videos?

 

end me: omg you guys haven’t seen those?

 

Steve Rogers: Peter no.

 

memelord: send a link

 

Steve Rogers: Peter I am begging you.

 

_Nat is online._

_BB is online_

_LORD OF THUNDER is online._

Steve Rogers: Why do none of you ever sleep?

Steve Rogers: Log back off again please.

Steve Rogers: Nothing here to see.

 

BB: That just tells me that something highly entertaining is going to happen.

 

Nat: ^^^

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I came to witness these ‘videocasts’ Peter is discussing.

 

Steve Rogers: Noooooooo

 

_end me has sent a video link to the group chat._

 

Steve Rogers: Peter why?

Steve Rogers: I’ve been betrayed by my own team.

 

memelord: HAHAHAHA

 

arrow guy: I CANT STOP LAUGHING

 

Steve Rogers: This is my worst nightmare coming to life.

 

Nat: I downloaded the videos.

Nat: You’ll never be able to escape your past mistakes Steve.

 

Steve Rogers: I hate this.

 

BB: I’m not even surprised.

BB: Only Steve would be willing to record videos like that.

 

end me: wow you’re all really coming for steve

 

memelord: rip captain america

memelord: he fought valiantly and lost

memelord: he shall be remembered in the ages to come as a true hero

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I really resonated with your message about patience.

 

memelord: i cant even tell if hes being sarcastic or not

 

end me: that makes it funnier

 

arrow guy: now we have so many more things to make fun of steve about

 

Steve Rogers: Stop.

 

Nat: ;)

 

Steve Rogers: I actually hate my life.

 

_bucky is online._

bucky: what did I miss

 

memelord: scroll up

 

Steve Rogers: Oh God no.

 

arrow guy: you should’ve known that we would have found out about those

 

Steve Rogers: I wasn’t really thinking about it at the time.

 

bucky: steve.

 

Steve Rogers: What?

 

bucky: i don’t know if im disappointed or overjoyed

 

BB: You realize that drugs are what made you into a superhero in the first place?

 

Nat: Your message is hypocritical.

 

arrow guy: get rekt

 

_Steve Rogers has left the group chat._

 

end me: oh shit

 

memelord: rip

 

_Valkyrie has sent a message to The Revengers (r bettr thn the avngers)._

**8:02 AM**

Valkyrie: Lackey I need your help.

 

God of Mischief: Could you stop calling me that?

God of Mischief: Also, it’s early I am not getting out of bed.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Some exercise will do you some good, Brother.

 

God of Mischief: No.

God of Mischief: Let me sulk in peace.

 

Valkyrie: Help me paint my toes.

 

God of Mischief: I’m on my way.

 

 

_LORD OF THUNDER has sent a message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

 

**10:02 AM**

LORD OF THUNDER: Loki wants to paint my toenails.

 

The Tony Stark: Wait what?

 

end me: omg

 

memelord: HES MY FAVORITE

 

end me: what color would you get?

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I don’t know seeing as I don’t wish to have them painted.

 

end me: mr thor :(

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Probably red.

 

end me: :)

 

The Tony Stark: Not even Thor can resist Peter’s puppy dog charm huh?

 

memelord: peter ur so talented

 

end me: thanks

_end me added Steve Rogers._

 

_LORD OF THUNDER has sent an image to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

_[Photo consists of Loki and the Valkyrie sitting in the middle of the floor in what appears to be a cozy looking living room. Bottles of nail polish and nail polish remover are scattered all around them. Loki appeared to be carefully painting his fingernails black. His eyebrows were furrowed in concentration. The Valkyrie sat next to him on her phone, a napkin carefully wrapped in between her painted toenails to keep them from touching.]_

LORD OF THUNDER: They have taken over the living room.

 

memelord: omg i want to hang out with them

 

end me: that seems so fun

 

The Tony Stark: Basically, you’re saying that you want an ex-supervillain to paint your nails.

 

end me: yes

 

memelord: sounds about right

 

The Tony Stark: I worry about you two sometimes.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: He wouldn’t stop bothering me so I told him he could paint my nails.

LORD OF THUNDER: I regret this already.

LORD OF THUNDER: Oh no

LORD OF THUNDER: He saw what Shuri and Peter said.

LORD OF THUNDER: Hes’s tryinf tto take my pho.e

_LORD OF THUNDER added God of Mischief._

 

The Tony Stark: Oh dear God

 

memelord: AN ICON

 

end me: THE ICON HAS ARRIVED

 

LORD OF THUNDER: STOP ENCOURAGING HIM

 

God of Mischief: Too late.

God of Mischief: I’ve been encouraged.

 

end me: HI MR LOKI

 

memelord: hey loki

 

God of Mischief: Why hello there.

God of Mischief: I do not know your names.

 

end me: im peter!!

 

memelord: sup im shuri

 

God of Mischief: Ah yes, I’ve heard of you two.

God of Mischief: You seem rather entertaining.

God of Mischief: We should meet up at some point.

 

The Tony Stark: GOD NO

 

God of Mischief: That just makes me want to meet them more.

 

memelord: same

 

end me: me too

 

God of Mischief: I have found kindred spirits.

 

The Tony Stark: fml

 

end me: omg hes texting like a gen z kid

 

The Tony Stark: stfu

 

memelord: his stress has made him age backwards

memelord: that’s incredible, seeing how fast hes been aging forwards

 

end me: SHURI NO

 

_The Tony Stark has left the group chat._

 

God of Mischief: Oh, I like you.

 

memelord: ;)

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Peter.

 

end me: yes?

 

LORD OF THUNDER: May I have admin privileges please?

 

end me: umm

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Please?

 

God of Mischief: You’re manipulating the poor child.

God of Mischief: You’re taking advantage of his admiration for you.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Like you’re one to talk.

 

God of Mischief: Your point is valid.

 

end me: last time someone other than me had admin privileges in this chat they started kicking everyone

end me: you just want to kick loki

 

LORD OF THUNDER: He threw my sandwich into the pool.

 

memelord: loki ur my favorite

 

God of Mischief: Thank you that is rather gratifying.

 

end me: why did you throw his sandwich in the pool?

 

God of Mischief: He touched me.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I LITERALLY DID NOTHING

 

memelord: sibling relationships: a summary

 

end me: HAHAHA

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Please Peter.

LORD OF THUNDER: It’s to avenge my sandwich.

LORD OF THUNDER: You’re an avenger, right?

 

end me: ummm

end me: i guess??

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I will fly to New York immediately via the Bifrost and meet you.

 

end me: I JUST SPAT OUT MY WATERR

end me: you’ll give me a hug?

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Of course.

 

end me: deal.

 

memelord: peter u weak man

 

end me: what person would say no to a hug from thor?

end me: ill just add loki back later

 

memelord: ok valid

 

_end me gave admin privileges to LORD OF THUNDER._

LORD OF THUNDER: YES I AM POWERFUL

 

God of Mischief: Brother

God of Mischief: Wait

_God of Mischief is typing…_

 

_LORD OF THUNDER has kicked God of Mischief from the group chat._

LORD OF THUNDER: Whoops.

 

_arrow guy is online._

memelord: aw man i kinda wanted to see what he had to say

 

end me: who cares im getting a hug from thor

 

arrow guy: wtf is happening

 

memelord: loki likes painting nails, also likes me and peter for some reason, he threw thor’s sandwich into their pool, peter is a whore and gave thor admin privileges, then thor kicked loki from the chat so hes gone again

 

arrow guy: what the fuck

 

end me: im not a whore

end me: i just want a hug :/

 

memelord: ur full of shit

 

end me: would YOU have said no to a hug from the literal thor??

 

memelord: …..

memelord: god dammit peter

memelord: u called my bluff

 

end me: HA

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I am on my way to you now Peter.

LORD OF THUNDER: Private message me your address.

 

end me: I

end me: AM

end me: LITERALLY

 

memelord: stop spamming i hate when u do that

 

end me: SCREAMING

end me: AHVAJAVSJGVKUSHV

end me: ANKJB sbcajdba d

 

arrow guy: kid

 

end me: ABAHVGVHG asjvhdjh HJGUFUhv

 

arrow guy: fucking stop

 

_Steve Rogers is online._

Steve Rogers: Clint is the language necessary?

 

arrow guy: yes

arrow guy: it adds emphasis

 

memelord: steve ur such a mom

 

Steve Rogers: Yes, because all my friends are such children that I have to be.

 

memelord: AJHVSLHVLIHVLIHKB

memelord: I SCREAMED

 

arrow guy: holy shit steve my jaw literally dropped

 

memelord: STEVE UR MY NEW FAVORITE

 

_BB is online._

BB: When did Cap become such a savage?

 

arrow guy: honestly it might be bucky’s influence

 

_BB added The Tony Stark._

 

The Tony Stark: I was wondering how long it would take until someone added me back.

The Tony Stark: Of course it was you Bruce.

The Tony Stark: I love you more than everyone else here.

 

BB: Thanks man

BB: Love you too

 

arrow guy: so much bromance

 

Steve Rogers: I’ve always been a savage.

 

memelord: I FUCKINH SCREAMEF

 

The Tony Stark: My only recollection of you being remotely savage is before I absolutely destroy you with my own savagery so it doesn’t count.

 

_Nat is online._

Nat: I’m choking on the testosterone levels in here.

 

memelord: ikr

 

Steve Rogers: You never destroy me.

Steve Rogers: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

 

The Tony Stark: Yes I do.

The Tony Stark: Remember that time at the Avengers tower?

 

Steve Rogers: You were drunk.

 

The Tony Stark: That makes it better.

 

Steve Rogers: No, it really doesn’t.

 

memelord: where did peter go

 

The Tony Stark: He’s probably fanboying over Thor right at this very moment.

 

_end me has sent three images to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

_[The first image is a picture of Peter and Thor hugging outside of what appears to be an apartment building. It’s a full body hug, with Peter’s face shoved into Thor’s chest hiding it from view. Thor is smiling at the camera. The next image is of both of them in nearly exactly the same position, except Peter’s face is turned towards the camera. He’s smiling with giddy glee. The final image consists of both of them standing apart facing the camera. Thor is using Peter’s head as an armrest, grinning stupidly at the camera, while Peter glares at him in mock offence.]_

memelord: wow

memelord: im kind of jealous

memelord: he looks like he gives good hugs

 

end me: HE GIVES GREAT HUGS

 

The Tony Stark: Yeah, I’ll give him that much.

The Tony Stark: He really does.

 

end me: HES SO WARM ITS LIKE A BLANKET HAS BEEN WRAPPED AROUND YOU

end me: ill never be satisfied with a hug from a different person ever again

 

memelord: oh shut up

memelord: u love hugs

memelord: from everyone

 

end me: wow we’re just really calling each other out on our bluffs today

 

arrow guy: peter you’re kind of adorable

arrow guy: like a puppy

 

end me: dude im 18

 

The Tony Stark: I know right?

 

end me: im 18

 

memelord: he does have the puppy dog vibe

memelord: like i said earlier hes powerful

 

end me: im literally an adult

 

The Tony Stark: No you’re not

The Tony Stark: You’re a puppy.

 

memelord: yes

 

arrow guy: yes

 

_end me has banned all online users from sending messages in the group chat._

 

**11:27 AM**

_end me has unbanned all previously banned users._

**12:38 PM**

_Falconista is online._

Falconista: I’m literally just going to leave the group chat at this point this is ridiculous.

 

_Rocky Rhodes is online._

Rocky Rhodes: Damn I missed everything this time too.

Rocky Rhodes: I know what it’s like to be Sam.

Rocky Rhodes: I don’t like it.

 

Falconista: Seriously dude?

 

memelord: its bc ur the side characters

 

Falconista: What?

 

Rocky Rhodes: What does that even mean?

 

memelord: like

memelord: ur the sidekicks

memelord: ur not plot important so ur not here when the plot is advancing

 

_Rocky Rhodes has left the group chat._

_Falconista has left the group chat._

 

end me: shuri could you stop making people leave?

 

memelord: no.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: steve's line about having to act like a mother because all of his friends are children came from me in actual real life.  
> yeah i like to think that im actually a funny person.  
> honestly i think im just living vicariously through peter at this point.  
> i have never wanted to experience anything more than i want to experience a hug from chris hemworth.  
> oh and peter is starting to come off as kind of bisexual or pan now, and while that was never my intention and im not purposely writing him to be, you can interpret this however you want.  
> also, there will be no ships in this fic, but thats the same deal as well. you can read it as pre slash or as implied if you wish.  
> hope you enjoyed ;)


	5. top ten anime battles 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Thor can't remove his nail polish, Shuri and Loki start plotting something devious, Nat kills a cockroach, Steve just wants Clint to stop saying 'fuck' every other word, Sam actually doesn't miss the conversation, and an intense battle over the ownership of the chat takes place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys im so entertained writing this oh my god  
> every time i open my laptop to take my online classes i end up opening the file for this and start writing instead  
> i havent done an assignment in around 10 days  
> help

_LORD OF THUNDER has sent a message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

 

**6:54 PM**

LORD OF THUNDER: Hello

LORD OF THUNDER: I may have a problem.

LORD OF THUNDER: Loki has painted my nails.

LORD OF THUNDER: I tried to use nail polish remover, but he put some magic spell on it.

LORD OF THUNDER: I think it might be permanent.

 

**7:02 PM**

LORD OF THUNDER: Is anyone there?

 

**7:15 PM**

_end me is online._

end me: SORRY I WAS OUT ON PATROL

end me: OH MY GOD THOR SEND A PICTURE

 

_memelord is online._

memelord: you still do patrols?

 

end me: what kind of question is that?

end me: ofc i do

end me: im still spiderman

 

memelord: send a pic of ur nails thor

memelord: i need to see this

_LORD OF THUNDER has sent an image to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

memelord: ok but they actually look nice??

 

end me: they look professionally done wtf

end me: tell loki i would pay him to do my nails

 

memelord: u could just add him to the chat

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I would kick him again.

 

memelord: pete could just take away your admin privileges

 

LORD OF THUNDER: He would not.

 

memelord: why

 

end me: ummmm

 

memelord: omg stop being a whore

 

end me: IM NOT I JUST PROMISED HIM I WOULDN’T

 

memelord: u also promised me that u would ship some of your web fluid to me so i could run tests

memelord: guess what u havent done

 

end me: you’d use it for evil

 

memelord: and thor isn’t using his admin privileges for evil?

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I am not.

LORD OF THUNDER: I am using them to vanquish evil.

 

 

_God of Mischief has sent a private message to LORD OF THUNDER._

 

**7:20 PM**

God of Mischief: Why do I feel as though you are talking trash about me in that group chat with all of the idiots?

 

 

_LORD OF THUNDER has sent a message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

**7:21 PM**

LORD OF THUNDER: He terrifies me sometimes.

_LORD OF THUNDER has sent a screenshot to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

end me: omg

end me: ???

end me: how did he know???

end me: i have so many questions

 

memelord: hes an icon that’s how

memelord: im more entertained by the way he used actual slang in that message

 

end me: omg i didnt even notice

end me: hes such an icon

 

LORD OF THUNDER: You call him that because you don’t live with him.

LORD OF THUNDER: It’s horrible.

LORD OF THUNDER: I think he’s worse than he was before he tried to conquer Midgard.

LORD OF THUNDER: I didn’t even know that was possible.

 

memelord: wdym worse?

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Pranks.

 

end me: GOD OF MISCHIEF HAHAHA I DIDN’T EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT

end me: THAT’S SO FUNNY

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Not when you live with it.

 

 

_memelord has sent a private message to end me._

**7:25 PM**

memelord: peter

memelord: parker

memelord: im a genius

 

end me: what

end me: why am i terrified?

 

memelord: loki must have the best prank ideas

 

end me: dude what does that even mean

 

memelord: im cackling rn

 

end me: PLEASE CLARIFY IM SCARED

 

memelord: you’ll see

 

end me: shuri.

end me: shuri pls.

end me: **SHURI.**

 

_memelord has created a new group chat._

_memelord added end me and God of Mischief._

_memelord has named the group chat Co-conspirators._

**7:28 PM**

memelord: loki i need ur help

 

end me: this is gonna be the equivalent to a natural disaster

 

memelord: yes and u will be contributing

 

end me: …

end me: fuck it

end me: im in

 

God of Mischief: What is it that you need my assistance with?

 

memelord: i want to play a prank on my brother

 

God of Mischief: You came to the right person.

 

end me: rip t’challa

 

 

_arrow guy has sent a message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

 

**7:31 PM**

arrow guy: so nat is over at my house for dinner

arrow guy: and there was this fucking cockroach on the wall right

arrow guy: my kids are all screaming and running

arrow guy: and im kinda just yelling at them to shut up

arrow guy: and then nat just picks up a steak knife and hurls it at the wall

arrow guy: and she fucking nails the cockroach

 

end me: holy shit

 

memelord: omg i love her

 

arrow guy: and now all my kids want her to teach them how to fucking throw knives

 

_Steve Rogers is online._

Steve Rogers: Clint why do you curse so much?

Steve Rogers: There’s literally no need.

 

arrow guy: fuck you mom

 

Steve Rogers: What???

 

_arrow guy has changed their username to fuckumom_

fuckumom: you heard me.

 

end me: I READTHAT ALL AS ONE WORD AND I CANTT STOP LAUGHINF

 

Steve Rogers: I hate everything about this group chat.

 

end me: :(

 

Steve Rogers: Except for you Peter.

 

end me: :)

 

memelord: peter how do u do that

 

end me: im powerful

 

fuckumom: you’re a puppy

 

end me: im an adult

 

fuckumom: still a puppy

 

LORD OF THUNDER: He does have puppy-like vibes.

LORD OF THUNDER: I have met him in person I can confirm.

 

end me: …

end me: its ok when thor says it

 

fuckumom: fanboy

 

end me: you’re just upset bc you were never one of my favorite avengers

 

fuckumom: can everyone please stop roasting me in this chat

 

Steve Rogers: I mean… you kind of set yourself up for it.

 

_Falconista is online._

Falconista: Oh my God I’m online while everyone else is talking.

Falconista: It has been so long since I’ve experienced this.

 

Steve Rogers: Hey Sam

 

_bucky is online._

bucky: ugh its wilson

_bucky has left the group chat._

Falconista: Good riddance.

 

_Steve Rogers added bucky._

Steve Rogers: For once in your lives can you two be civil?

 

bucky: no.

 

Falconista: No.

 

Steve Rogers: Wow

 

_The Tony Stark is online._

_The Tony Stark changed Steve Rogers’ username to mom._

mom: Okay what?

 

end me: stop giving yourself admin privileges

end me: did you hack around my firewall?

 

The Tony Stark: Yes.

The Tony Stark: You still have much to learn.

 

mom: …

mom: I don’t know how to change my username back.

 

memelord: HAHAHAHA

 

_end me has changed mom’s username to Steve Rogers._

Steve Rogers: Thank you Peter.

 

end me: :)

 

_The Tony Stark has changed end me’s username to traitor._

 

traitor: wtf how did you change my username

traitor: im the owner

traitor: you cant do that

 

_traitor has transferred ownership of Earth’s Mightoest Heroes to The Tony Stark._

traitor: WHAT

_The Tony Stark has removed admin privileges from traitor._

memelord: I CANT BREATHE

 

LORD OF THUNDER: We are witnessing the fall of an empire.

 

fuckumom: holy shit

 

traitor: guys i cant hack through him

 

The Tony Stark: Of course you can’t.

The Tony Stark: I’m Tony Stark.

 

Steve Rogers: Seriously Tony?

 

_The Tony Stark has kicked Steve Rogers from the group chat._

The Tony Stark: I am king now.

The Tony Stark: To question my judgement is treason.

 

bucky: bring back peter

bucky: his ego was less fragile he wont kick us constantly like stark will

 

_The Tony Stark has kicked bucky from the group chat._

 

LORD OF THUNDER: He is drunk on power.

 

memelord: THIS IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT

 

Falconista: Why is this the conversation I’m here to witness?

 

memelord: most of our conversations are like this

 

 

_traitor has sent a message to The Best Fucking Trio_

****

**7:56 PM**

traitor: NED I NEED YOUR HELP

 

guy in the chair: peter?

guy in the chair: what happened to your username?

 

mj: its pretty accurate considering its been like

mj: three days since you last talked in here

 

guy in the chair: hes been talking in that avengers group chat

 

mj: yeah but we’ve been his friends longer so

mj: traitor.

 

traitor: IM SORRY

traitor: NED HELP ME

 

guy in the chair: i cant help if i don’t even know what you need help with

 

traitor: MR STARK HAS TAKEN OVER THE AVENGERS GROUP CHAt

 

guy in the chair: holy shit

 

mj: don’t help him he deserves this

 

traitor: SHUT UP MJ THIS IS THE ONLY COOL PART OF MY LIFE

 

mj: okay that’s valid

 

 

_The Tony Stark has sent a message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

**8:00 PM**

The Tony Stark: Sorry Thor but no one is allowed to have admin privileges except for me.

_The Tony Stark has removed admin privileges from LORD OF THUNDER._

LORD OF THUNDER: The rightful king of this chat is Peter Parker.

 

memelord: ur just saying that bc hes in love with u and u can get admin privileges from him

 

LORD OF THUNDER: You know nothing about me.

 

_traitor added guy in the chair._

guy in the chair: oh my god its actually an avengers groupchat

guy in the chair: is that THOR OHMY GOD

 

traitor: NED PAY ATTENTION YOU’RE ONLY HERE FOR ONE REASON

 

guy in the chair: oh right

 

_The Tony Stark has given admin privileges to guy in the chair._

The Tony Stark: Um no I did not.

  _The Tony Stark has given admin privileges to traitor._

_The Tony Stark has transferred ownership of Earth’s Mightoest Heroes to traitor._

The Tony Stark: OH HELL NO

 

_traitor has removed admin privileges from The Tony Stark._

_traitor has given admin privileges to The Tony Stark._

_traitor has removed admin privileges from guy in the chair._

_traitor has removed admin privileges from The Tony Stark._

fuckumom: what in the actual fuck is happening

 

memelord: top ten anime battles 2018

 

_traitor has transferred ownership of Earth’s Mightoest Heroes to guy in the chair._

traitor: NED YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING ME.

 

guy in the chair: IM SORRY I COULDN’T HELP M YSELF

_guy in the chair has transferred ownership of Earth’s Mightoest Heroes to The Tony Stark._

_The Tony Stark has kicked guy in the chair from the group chat._

The Tony Stark: Checkmate bitch.

 

traitor: HECK YOU MR STARK

_traitor added guy in the chair._

traitor: FOCUS NED

 

guy in the chair: SORRY IM JUST FREAKING OUT OVER THE FACT THAT IM IN A HACKING WAR WITH FREAKING IRON MAN

_The Tony Stark has given admin privileges to guy in the chair._

_The Tony Stark has transferred ownership of Earth’s Mightoest Heroes to traitor._

_traitor has removed admin privileges from The Tony Stark._

_traitor has given admin privileges to The Tony Stark._

_traitor has removed admin privileges from The Tony Stark._

 

The Tony Stark: You know I could just set FRIDAY on you and you would be toast.

 

traitor: that would be cheating mr stark

 

The Tony Stark: Still I could.

 

memelord: this is incredible

 

fuckumom: i still don’t know what is happening

 

Steve Rogers: I’m lost.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I am as well.

 

_traitor has given admin privileges to The Tony Stark._

_guy in the chair has removed admin privileges from The Tony Stark_

The Tony Stark: WAIT STOP

 

_guy in the chair has kicked The Tony Stark from the group chat._

 

fuckumom: god damn

fuckumom: peter your friend is awesome

 

guy in the chair: i think we did it

guy in the chair: PETER WE DID IT

guy in the chair: WE OUT HACKED TONY STARK

 

traitor: HELL YEAH WE DID

_traitor has changed their username to the rightful king._

 

the rightful king: get rekt mr stark

 

guy in the chair: that was awesome

 

Steve Rogers: I have no clue what just happened.

 

memelord: top ten anime battles 2018

 

the rightful king: you already said that shuri

 

memelord: i know

 

guy in the chair: holy shit im in a group chat with all the avengers

 

the rightful king: ned… we had an agreement

 

guy in the chair: FINE

guy in the chair: YOU BETTER GET ME THAT LEGO SET

 

the rightful king: I WILL  
the rightful king: THANK YOU NED

 

guy in the chair: god im such a good friend

_guy in the chair has left the group chat._

 

fuckumom: so that was exciting

fuckumom: are you ever going to add stark back?

 

the rightful king: umm

 

 

_The Tony Stark has sent a private message to the rightful king_

**8:16 PM**

The Tony Stark: I let you win.

The Tony Stark: Just so you know.

The Tony Stark: Add me back Peter.

The Tony Stark: Peter Parker I will take away your suit do not test me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know that whole battle wasnt even planned it just happened i swear this fic just writes itself


	6. t'challa gets rekt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Shuri carries out her and Loki's evil plan, T'challa looks for ways to disown a sibling, Thor once again questions who counts as a furry, Steve gets called gay, somehow everyone is active all at once, and Stephen Strange gets added into the mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys i did so much work today for my online class i've literally been on my laptop all day.  
> hope you enjoy ;)

_memelord has sent a message to Co-conspirators._

**4:21 AM**

memelord: peter get ur skinny white ass online

memelord: peter

memelord: peter fuckin parker

memelord: come here

 

God of Mischief: We require your assistance.

 

_the rightful king is online._

the rightful king: you realize its like 4 am for me right?

the rightful king: if i actually slept like normal people do i would be asleep

 

memelord: good thing ur not normal then

 

God of Mischief: None of us are.

 

memelord: ok that’s valid

 

the rightful king: what do you guys want from me

 

God of Mischief: You have spiderwebs correct?

 

the rightful king: uh yeah?

 

memelord: send me the formula

 

the rightful king: i already said i wouldn’t do that

 

memelord: u said u wouldn’t ship some to me

memelord: bc id use it for evil or something

memelord: but u didn’t say u wouldn’t tell me how to make it

 

God of Mischief: Loophole.

 

memelord: exactly!!!

 

God of Mischief: It is for a good cause Peter.

 

memelord: yup

 

the rightful king: uhhh

 

memelord: trust us

 

the rightful king: i wouldn’t trust either of you with a toenail.

 

memelord: ouch

 

God of Mischief: That is probably wise of you.

 

memelord: loki don’t encourage the distrust we need his trust

 

God of Mischief: He’ll give you the formula.

 

the rightful king: why would i do that

 

God of Mischief: You’re already writing it down to send it to her.

 

the rightful king: ….

the rightful king: you’re fucking terrifying mr loki

 

God of Mischief: Why thank you.

God of Mischief: I’m not stalking you if you wish to know.

 

the rightful king: that’s reassuring

 

God of Mischief: I just know because we are kindred spirits.

 

the rightful king: ???

 

God of Mischief: You can’t resist causing a little chaos. You want to see what will happen.

 

the rightful king: damn

the rightful king: ive been exposed

 

memelord: u always get exposed

 

the rightful king: valid

 

 

_T’challa has sent a message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

 

**4:25 PM**

T’challa: How do you disown a sibling?

 

memelord: that was the best thing ive ever done

 

the rightful king: did you get it on video?

 

arrow guy: did she get what on video?

 

the rightful king: oh hey clint you changed your username back

 

arrow guy: yeah steve is over my constant fucking

arrow guy: wait

arrow guy: no

arrow guy: that’s not what i meant

arrow guy: to say

arrow guy: fuck

arrow guy: someone else reply

arrow guy: im starting to feel awkward

arrow guy: guys

 

the rightful king: IM SCREAMINBVF

 

memelord: HAHHAHA

memelord: AND OFC I GOT IT ON VIDEO

memelord: WHO DO YOU THINK I AM

 

T’challa: Shuri if you send that video.

 

memelord: you’ll do what?

 

T’challa: I am the king of this country.

T’challa: Do not test my patience.

 

_memelord has sent a video message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

_[The video begins with T’challa walking through a seemingly empty hallway. He abruptly halts as though he ran into something and begins to swat at the air like one would if there was a fly or a hidden spiderweb. T’challa stumbles, and it appears as though his left leg as been caught in something. He tries to yank it away, but he can’t move it. His flailing becomes more panicked then, but it only serves to get him more tangled up in the invisible webbing. T’challa’s panicked shouts are barely heard over Shuri’s hysterical laughter, and the camera shakes as she giggles uncontrollably.]_

 

the rightful king: I CANF BRETAHE

 

_T’challa has left the group chat._

 

arrow guy: oh my god

 

_The Tony Stark is online._

The Tony Stark: Is that Peter’s webbing?

 

the rightful king: yup

 

_bucky is online._

bucky: i heard his screams all the way in my room

 

the rightful king: IM SCREAMINg

 

_LORD OF THUNDER is online._

LORD OF THUNDER: You got help from Loki to set that up didn’t you?

 

The Tony Stark: Wait what

 

the rightful king: uh

 

memelord: maybe

 

arrow guy: oh my god i bet they have a groupchat

 

memelord: ;)

 

the rightful king: ….

 

The Tony Stark: OH MY GOD

 

LORD OF THUNDER: We’re all doomed.

LORD OF THUNDER: I had more faith in you Peter.

 

the rightful king: :(

 

LORD OF THUNDER: You’re still good.

 

the rightful king: :)

 

memelord: once again peter channels his real superpower

memelord: its not climbing on walls or superstrength

memelord: its his puppy vibe

 

the rightful king: and im still literally 18 so like

 

bucky: can you give lessons

bucky: children take one look at my face and burst into tears

 

_Falconista is online._

Falconista: I don’t think there’s any remedying that.

Falconista: Your face is terrible.

 

arrow guy: ^^^

 

bucky: fuck you both

 

_Steve Rogers is online._

Steve Rogers: Damn what did I miss.

 

The Tony Stark: T’challa got pranked by the three chaotic archetypes.

 

Steve Rogers: Huh??

 

The Tony Stark: Peter is the chaotic good, Shuri is the chaotic neutral, and Loki is the chaotic evil.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: My brother is more neutral than evil I believe.

 

bucky: yeah and shuri is somewhere in between good and neutral

The Tony Stark: You know I was just trying to make a joke.

The Tony Stark: And I just got attacked.

 

Steve Rogers: Why are you so dramatic?

 

The Tony Stark: Why can you never hop off my dick?

 

arrow guy: bc hes gay as shit

 

Steve Rogers: No.

 

bucky: yup

 

_Steve Rogers has left the group chat._

the rightful king: does this mean captain america is an lgbt icon

the rightful king: that homophobic teacher i had once who idolized cap is quaking

 

memelord: I CANT BREATHEE

memelord: ew i hate making typos

memelord: i feel like peter

 

the rightful king: okay ouch

 

Falconista: I’m honestly more concerned that Bucky confirmed it.

 

bucky: we’re not fucking

 

The Tony Stark: I JUST SPAT OUT MY COFFEE

 

_Rocky Rhodes is online._

Rocky Rhodes: Wow everyone is really active right now.

Rocky Rhodes: Omg poor T’challa.

 

memelord: rip the furry

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Does Wilson not count as a furry?

 

_Falconista has left the group chat._

memelord: THOR IS ALWAYS OUT HERE ASKING THE REAL QUESTIONS

 

the rightful king: three people have left in the span of one conversation

 

bucky: bc everyone here is a moron

 

arrow guy: including yourself?

 

bucky: yes.

 

_Wanda is online._

 

Rocky Rhodes: Oh hey Wanda.

 

the rightful king: oh hi

the rightful king: i haven’t seen you online since we first made this chat

 

Wanda: I wanted to see the video of T’challa.

 

_Vision is online._

Vision: I do as well.

 

memelord: scroll up its gold

 

_Nat is online._

Nat: That’s the funniest thing I’ve seen in years.

 

_BB is online._

BB: Oh my god poor T’challa.

 

Rocky Rhodes: I don’t think I can handle this many people online at once.

 

_bucky added Steve Rogers._

bucky: yeah same

 

memelord: just embrace it

 

the rightful king: accept it

 

arrow guy: you’re not gonna add anyone else other than steve back are you?

 

bucky: i don’t care about anyone else other than steve

 

Steve Rogers: I don’t know if I should be concerned or flattered.

 

_memelord added Falconista and T’challa._

 

T’challa: No.

T’challa: I don’t want to be here anymore.

 

The Tony Stark: Hey guys

The Tony Stark: Remember Stephen Strange?

 

the rightful king: you mean the wizard dude?

 

The Tony Stark: I’m gonna add him.

 

the rightful king: i feel like he wont be pleased with that decision

 

memelord: that’s all the more reason to add him

 

LORD OF THUNDER: The more the merrier.

 

Nat: I never met this guy.

 

arrow guy: yeah me neither

 

_The Tony Stark added Magic Bitch._

 

Magic Bitch: You could’ve at least given me time to change my username.

 

the rightful king: I SCREAMED

 

_Magic Bitch changed their username to Strange._

Strange: So wait who is everyone?

 

the rightful king: im peter aka spiderman

 

memelord: im shuri, princess of wakanda

 

arrow guy: clint or hawkeye

 

Wanda: Scarlet Witch

Wanda: My first name is my username.

 

Vision: I think I’m rather obvious.

 

bucky: bucky barnes

bucky: the guy with the metal arm

 

BB: I’m Bruce Banner.

 

The Tony Stark: Yeah he’s the one who turns into a giant green rage monster.

The Tony Stark: I love it.

 

BB: Thanks.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I am Thor Odinson, King of Asgard, God of Thunder despite what my username suggests.

 

Falconista: Sam Wilson

Falconista: Or Falcon

 

Rocky Rhodes: James Rhodes but you can just call me Rhodey.

Rocky Rhodes: I’m the Iron Patriot.

 

The Tony Stark: War Machine.

 

Rocky Rhodes: Whatever.

 

Strange: Okay that’s a lot of people.

 

The Tony Stark: You get used to it.

 

Steve Rogers: I’m still not.

Steve Rogers: I’m Captain America by the way.

 

Strange: Yeah I knew that.

Strange: How could I not?

 

Steve Rogers: …

Steve Rogers: I’m alarmed.

 

the rightful king: why?

 

Steve Rogers: He already reminds me of Tony.

Steve Rogers: I can’t handle two of them.

 

The Tony Stark: EXCUSE ME

 

Strange: We are nothing alike.

 

The Tony Stark: E X A C T L Y

 

Steve Rogers: Oh God.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking so long to add stephen i've been wanting to for the past two chapters i just never got around to it.  
> more people will be added soon!


	7. civil war? more like an obnoxious pissing contest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Scott Lang joins the fun, the Avengers' Civil War gets renamed, Tony's fragile ego gets bruised, Shuri dreams up the best Captain America pun, and Loki does not take well to having his ice cream get eaten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys new chapter!  
> antman and the wasp comes out today and the hype is rEAL im so excited guys  
> however, since i have not seen the movie yet, this fic will be ignoring the events of the movie unless they can be worked into what i wrote in this chapter  
> enjoy!  
> DISCLAIMER: i did not come up with the pun in this chapter, i stole it from a tumblr post

_Falconista sent a message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

 

**5:12 PM**

Falconista: Hey guys

Falconista: Remember the guy who gets really tiny

 

The Tony Stark: No.

 

Steve Rogers: Shut up Tony

Steve Rogers: Everyone knows you do.

 

The Tony Stark: Whoever he is he’s irrelevant.

The Tony Stark: If he’s so important where was he during the end of the world?

 

Falconista: House arrest.

 

The Tony Stark: Why am I not surprised.

The Tony Stark: Of course he managed to get caught.

 

Strange: He was part of that little pissing contest, right?

 

The Tony Stark: Hey I’m offended

 

Steve Rogers: I mean he’s not wrong.

 

Falconista: Yep.

 

_the rightful king is online._

the rightful king: ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT ANTMAN AKA SCOTT LANG AKA RETIRED MODERN DAY ROBIN HOOD????

 

Falconista: Yeah

Falconista: Wait what?

 

the rightful king: you didn’t read about what he did before he went to jail?

 

Steve Rogers: He went to jail?

 

The Tony Stark: Like I said he’s irrelevant.

 

the rightful king: well he was actually kinda awesome

the rightful king: he’d steal from rich people who were doing illegal things

the rightful king: and put them in their place

the rightful king: he could get through any security system

the rightful king: he was a big deal in california for a while

the rightful king: i first discovered him through a buzzfeed article and ned and i were kind of obsessed with following his story

the rightful king: we were really upset when he got caught

 

Steve Rogers: Oh wow

 

Falconista: For the record I didn’t know that he had gone to jail before I recommended we contact him for our pissing contest.

 

The Tony Stark: Are we seriously calling it that now?

 

the rightful king: yes

 

Strange: Yes.

 

Falconista: Yes.

Falconista: Anyway I was thinking

Falconista: We should add him to this group chat.

 

Strange: Does he count as an Avenger?

 

the rightful king: ADD HIM

 

The Tony Stark: No.

 

Steve Rogers: I don’t mind.

 

The Tony Stark: Of course you don’t he was on your side of the pissing contest.

 

the rightful king: I SAY ADD HIM MY WORD IS LAW HERE

the rightful king: I AM THE KING OF THIS CHAT

the rightful king: ADD HIM

 

Strange: How do you possess so much enthusiasm?

 

The Tony Stark: He’s young.

 

Strange: Those were the days.

 

The Tony Stark: I heard you were more of an asshat back then than you are now.

 

Strange: And your point is?

 

Falconista: I’m adding him.

 

The Tony Stark: Don’t you fucking dare.

 

Steve Rogers: Why does everyone here feel the constant need to drop an F-bomb every other word?

 

the rightful king: FUCK YEAH LETS DO IT

the rightful king: sorry steve

 

Steve Rogers: I give up.

 

_Falconista added scotty boy._

 

scotty boy: i didn’t think you were serious

 

the rightful king: YOUR USERNAME

the rightful king: I CANT BREATHE

 

scotty boy: holy crap that’s a lot of people

scotty boy: i have no clue who anyone is

 

The Tony Stark: Peter maybe you should change your username to something that’s more easily recognizable.

 

the rightful king: you’re just salty bc you got rekt and thor announced me as the rightful king

 

The Tony Stark: Literally the only reason he said that is because he knows he can get admin privileges from you.

 

the rightful king: yeah and maybe **_you_ ** should change your username to something that makes you sound like less of an egotistical jerk

 

Falconista: Damn Peter

Falconista: Pulling out both the bold and the italics.

 

The Tony Stark: Don’t make me take your suit away.

 

scotty boy: yeah guys that infers some great backstory but its not helping

 

Steve Rogers: I’m Captain America.

 

Strange: Literally every person knows that.

 

The Tony Stark: ^^^

The Tony Stark: That’s like me going “Guys I’m Iron Man” it’s not necessary everyone knows.

 

Steve Rogers: I was going to make a petty comment.

Steve Rogers: But then I decided to be a bigger man than Tony Stark.

 

the rightful king: _holy shit_

 

Falconista: Steve I’ll follow you anywhere.

 

Strange: He sets himself up to get utterly destroyed every time.

 

_The Tony Stark has left the group chat._

 

the rightful king: im surprised he lasted as long as he did

 

Falconista: Me too.

 

scotty boy: guys im still lost

 

the rightful king: im peter parker!

the rightful king: or spiderman

the rightful king: ive been a huge fan of your work even before you were antman

 

scotty boy: oh yeah i remember you from the airport

scotty boy: you stole cap’s shield

scotty boy: then i stole it back

 

the rightful king: yup :)

 

Strange: You probably haven’t heard of me.

Strange: My name is Dr. Stephen Strange.

Strange: I am a master of the mystic arts.

 

scotty boy: uh what

 

the rightful king: hes a wizard

 

scotty boy: oh cool

 

Strange: I prefer sorcerer.

 

Falconista: As I’m sure you can see we have way more people that aren’t online right now.

Falconista: You’ll figure out who everyone is eventually.

 

scotty boy: yeah that’s not very reassuring

 

_memelord is online._

memelord: GUYS

memelord: oh wait new person

memelord: hello new person

 

scotty boy: hi im scott

scotty boy: im antman

 

memelord: oh yeah i heard of you

memelord: im princess shuri of wakanda

 

scotty boy: does that make you the black panther’s sister?

 

memelord: yup

memelord: also kinda a genius

memelord: i designed his suit

 

scotty boy: oh wow that’s cool

 

memelord: anyway

memelord: I HAD THE FUNNIEST DREAM

 

the rightful king: share

 

memelord: SO I WAS JUST TRYING TO TAKE A 20 MINUTE NAP AND I ENDED UP SLEEPING FOR HOURS

memelord: I STARTED DREAMING THAT I WAS WORKING AT A STARBUCKS

memelord: AND STEVE WALKS IN

 

Steve Rogers: Oh no

 

_the rightful king added The Tony Stark._

the rightful king: i feel like he’ll want to hear the rest of this

 

Steve Rogers: Damn

 

memelord: HE ORDERS HIS COFFEE

memelord: AND WHEN I HAND IT TO HIM I SAY

memelord: “one iced americano for our favorite iced americano.”

memelord: I WOKE MYSELF UP BECAUSE I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD

 

The Tony Stark: I will be stealing that joke.

 

the rightful king: I CANT BREATHE

 

scotty boy: im waiting with my ex to pick up our daughter from school and shes giving me a weird look because i snorted so loudly it physically hurt me and i started choking

 

_Steve Rogers has left the group chat._

 

Falconista: Oh my god.

 

_bucky is online._

bucky: i take back anything bad i have ever said about you shuri.

 

memelord: i love myself

 

_BB is online._

BB: You guys

BB: I walk into the living room

BB: And I find Thor and Loki literally _brawling_.

BB: I’m hiding in the closet.

BB: I don’t know what is happening but I have two Asgardians fighting each other at full strength.

 

bucky: try not to die

 

BB: Yeah that was the goal.

 

memelord: oh my god

 

the rightful king: im so conflicted idk who to cheer for

 

scotty boy: isn’t loki like thor’s evil twin brother who tried to conquer earth?

 

memelord: i don’t think they’re twins but yeah

 

the rightful king: hes good now

the rightful king: sort of

the rightful king: character development

 

scotty boy: because that’s incredibly reassuring

 

memelord: peter and i have a gc with him

memelord: hes great

 

scotty boy: uh huh

 

BB: He’s part of the Revengers.

 

scotty boy: what’s that?

 

BB: The better team.

 

scotty boy: that name sounds a little derivative

 

BB: That’s because Thor isn’t very creative.

 

memelord: is the fight still going

 

BB: Yes.

_BB has sent a video message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

_[Video begins in a nearly pitch-black room. Faint shouts and crashes can be heard from outside. A hand reaches forward and grabs a doorknob, opening the door and revealing what is happening outside. As soon as the camera catches sight of a living room at the end of the hallway, a piece of furniture (most likely a recliner chair) goes flying by. They danced around the room, knives and fists flying in a deadly mimicry of choreography, until Thor lands a blow against Loki’s stomach. Loki staggered back, face twisting into an expression of pain. Thor moves forward hesitantly, looking concerned. When Thor gets closer Loki grins, and suddenly Thor is lying flat on his back, trapped beneath his brother’s forearm against his neck.]_

**_[audio transcript]_ **

_ Loki: This is revenge. _

_ Thor: Brother I’m sorry, I don’t even know what I did! _

_ Loki: You know exactly what you did. _

_ Thor: I did know it was your ice cream! I swear! _

_ Loki: You know mint chocolate chip is my favorite flavor! _

_ Thor: I’ll buy you more! Just please don’t stab me! _

_ *camera flips, revealing Bruce’s face mostly in shadow* _

_ Bruce: I need to get out of this house. _

the rightful king: HAHAHAHAHA

 

BB: It may seem funny to you but this is what I have to live with.

 

memelord: OH MY GOD

 

**7:25 PM**

_Rocky Rhodes is online._

Rocky Rhodes: Have I seriously taken Sam’s place as the guy who misses everything?

 

memelord: I guess your side character is more irrelevant than sam’s.

 

_Rocky Rhodes has left the group chat._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes i feel kind of weird writing these summaries the way i text (aka without proper grammar) it feels so casual but this whole fanfiction is casual so meh  
> for anyone who's curious here's the list of who lives where:  
> \- thor, valkyrie, and loki all live in a large nice house together in upstate new york (tony bought it for them)  
> \- bruce goes between the avengers compound and the revengers' household  
> \- steve has his own apartment in brooklyn, but spends a good portion of his time at the avengers compound  
> \- peter still lives with his aunt  
> \- shuri, t'challa, and bucky all live in wakanda  
> \- tony has a massive mansion and lives with pepper, but he visits the compound a lot  
> \- wanda, vision, rhodey, nat and sam all live at the compound  
> \- stephen lives at the new york sanction but he visits the other ones often  
> \- scott has his own apartment in san francisco  
> \- clint lives at his house with his wife and kids  
> i think that's everyone, if i missed anyone let me know!  
> also there is a massive time difference between wakanda and the other places, but its vague and i really dont know what it is so dont worry about it


	8. fite me mr stark (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Peter Quill gets added to the party, Stephen gets roasted and can't take the heat, Tony helps Steve set up his Wii at 3 AM, Peter Parker calls Tony by his first name, and Loki never fails to make Thor's life harder than it needs to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly idk anymore guys i worked out today and im exhausted but i needed to upload a new chapter so take whatever this is  
> the little stony moment in here is for my pal gigi bc she wouldn't stop bothering me about it

_the rightful king added longtermtitankillingbootycall._

**7:29 PM**

Strange: Oh God.

Strange: You add one and you get all of them Peter that was a bad choice.

 

longtermtitankillingbootycall: which one of us

longtermtitankillingbootycall: you’re gonna have to be more specific

 

Stranger: Why would that statement even be directed at you?

 

the rightful king: they’re all hilarious though

the rightful king: i think it was a great choice

 

_scotty boy is online._

scotty boy: who even is that?

 

longtermtitankillingbootycall: who even are you?

 

scotty boy: honestly idek anymore

scotty boy: you’re making me question my existence right now and i really don’t appreciate it man

 

the rightful king: okay mood

 

Strange: Quill could you please change your username?

Strange: It’s too long.

Strange: It’s annoying.

 

longtermtitankillingbootycall: you know i feel like you would enjoy life a lot more without that stick up your ass

 

the rightful king: oh wow dr strange do you need some ice for that burn?

 

_Strange has left the group chat._

 

scotty boy: okay so i decided that i like you

scotty boy: my name is scott lang and im like lowkey an avenger

scotty boy: but i was under house arrest when thanos needed his ass to be kicked which was why i couldn’t help

 

longtermtitankillingbootycall: bummer.

 

scotty boy: i know right

 

longtermtitankillingbootycall: im peter quill

longtermtitankillingbootycall: captain of the guardians of the galaxy

 

the rightful king: you know im pretty sure the rest of your team would disagree with that statement

 

longtermtitankillingbootycall: shut up kid you know nothing about me

 

scotty boy: OH YEAH I HEARD OF YOU GUYS

scotty boy: so wait are you an alien??

 

longtermtitankillingbootycall: uh so im like

longtermtitankillingbootycall: half alien?

longtermtitankillingbootycall: but i was born on earth

 

_The Tony Stark is online._

The Tony Stark: I distinctly remember you saying that Missouri was not on Earth.

 

longtermtitankillingbootycall: no i didn’t

 

the rightful king: yeah you did i was there

 

longtermtitankillingbootycall: i literally get harassed everywhere I go

 

_the rightful king changed longtermtitankillingbootycall’s username to starlord._

the rightful king: sorry it was kinda bothering me too

 

starlord: okay wow

 

scotty boy: at least he didn’t give you a bad username

 

The Tony Stark: Count your blessings.

 

starlord: damn your right

starlord: *you’re

 

the rightful king: your

 

scotty boy: your

 

The Tony Stark: Your

 

starlord: A MAN MAKES A _SINGLE_ MISTAKE AND THIS IS THE TREATMENT I GET??

starlord: im leaving

 

The Tony Stark: Good no one wants you here.

 

_starlord has left the group chat._

_the rightful king added starlord._

the rightful king: you don’t have to be mean mr stark

 

The Tony Stark: Yeah whatever.

 

scotty boy: the wizard dude is still gone

 

the rightful king: oh right

_the rightful king added Strange._

 

Strange: I hate you all.

 

**3:21 AM**

_Steve Rogers is online._

Steve Rogers: Okay so

Steve Rogers: I might need some help.

 

The Tony Stark: With what?

The Tony Stark: Why are you up at 3 AM?

 

Steve Rogers: That’s not important.

 

The Tony Stark: Okay uh

The Tony Stark: What’s up?

 

Steve Rogers: How do I set up a Wii?

 

The Tony Stark: Like the video game console?

 

Steve Rogers: Yes.

 

The Tony Stark: Why are you trying to set up a Wii at 3 AM?

 

Steve Rogers: I have nothing else better to do.

 

The Tony Stark: But wait

The Tony Stark: Aren’t you one of those guys who actually sleeps?

 

Steve Rogers: Um

Steve Rogers: I couldn’t tonight.

 

The Tony Stark: Oh

The Tony Stark: You okay Cap?

 

Steve Rogers: Yeah I’m fine.

 

The Tony Stark: Let me call you.

 

Steve Rogers: Tony seriously I’m fine.

 

The Tony Stark: Oh yeah I believe you.

The Tony Stark: It’ll be easier to explain to you how to set up the Wii over call.

The Tony Stark: Plus I could use the company.

 

Steve Rogers: Oh okay

Steve Rogers: Where’s Pepper?

 

The Tony Stark: Business trip.

The Tony Stark: I’m calling you now so pick up the phone.

 

**10:47 AM**

Steve Rogers: Tony fell asleep while on the call.

 

_memelord is online._

memelord: omg

memelord: u guys make it easy to forget that ur actually friends

memelord: how long were u calling for?

 

Steve Rogers: He fell asleep around 6 AM.

 

_The Tony Stark is online._

The Tony Stark: Could you stop exposing me?

The Tony Stark: I feel like Peter.

 

_the rightful king is online._

the rightful king: bullying is mean mr stark

 

memelord: i cant tell if u call him that ironically or out of respect anymore

 

Steve Rogers: Yeah me neither.

 

the rightful king: umm

the rightful king: idk

the rightful king: calling him tony would feel weird

the rightful king: like im breaking tradition

 

The Tony Stark: You can if you want to.

The Tony Stark: I don’t mind.

 

the rightful king: omg abbhababbahavvs

 

The Tony Stark: What?

 

the rightful king: nothing!

the rightful king: nothing at all!!

 

memelord: i mean he still kinda idolizes you

 

The Tony Stark: I told him to stop that.

The Tony Stark: I’m not a good role model.

 

the rightful king: you are in the ways that matter tony

 

The Tony Stark: …

The Tony Stark: That was so wholesome I’m nearly in tears.

 

memelord: and peter’s superpower strikes again

memelord: we should just start calling you puppy

 

the rightful king: stop.

the rightful king: im never being nice again.

 

_bucky is online._

bucky: i can teach you

 

the rightful king: yay :)

 

bucky: stop using those

 

the rightful king: :(

 

bucky: that too

 

the rightful king: is (ง'̀[-'](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=-%27)́)ง better?

 

bucky: no.

 

Steve Rogers: How did you even type that?

 

memelord: you need the right keyboard to

 

Steve Rogers: Oh

 

memelord: but he probably just copy and pasted it

 

the rightful king: stop exposing me shuri

the rightful king: (ง'̀[-'](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=-%27)́)ง (ง'̀[-'](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=-%27)́(ง'̀[-'](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=-%27)́)ง)ง (ง'̀[-'](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=-%27)́)ง

 

memelord: why did they glitch out like that

 

the rightful king: idk but im honestly terrified

 

memelord: (ง'̀[-'](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=-%27)́)ง

 

the rightful king: (ง'̀[-'](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=-%27)́)ง

 

memelord: (ง'̀[-'](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=-%27)́)ง

 

the rightful king: (ง'̀[-'](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=-%27)́)ง

 

The Tony Stark: Stop that.

 

memelord: (ง'̀[-'](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=-%27)́)ง

 

the rightful king: (ง'̀[-'](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=-%27)́)ง

the rightful king: fite me mr stark (ง'̀[-'](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=-%27)́)ง (ง'̀[-'](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=-%27)́)ง (ง'̀[-'](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=-%27)́)ง

 

bucky: stop it.

 

the rightful king: okay im sorry

 

_The Tony Stark has left the group chat._

 

memelord: wow his ego is so fragile

 

bucky: tragic

 

the rightful king: rip

 

_LORD OF THUNDER is online._

LORD OF THUNDER: How do I disown a sibling?

 

the rightful king: why have i heard that before

 

memelord: t’challa said it

 

the rightful king: oh yeah rip

 

bucky: what happened?

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Loki ate all of Brunnhilde’s ice cream and told her that I did.

 

memelord: brunnhilde??

 

LORD OF THUNDER: You may know her as the Valkyrie.

 

memelord: oh yeah

 

the rightful king: omg how are you still alive

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I told her it was Loki.

LORD OF THUNDER: After she stabbed me.

LORD OF THUNDER: She believed me because she sort of hates him.

 

memelord: are u bleeding?

 

bucky: why is loki so obsessed with ice cream

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Yes, but I am usually bleeding from stab wounds living in this household.

LORD OF THUNDER: And I honestly cannot tell you.

LORD OF THUNDER: He’s had a taste for sweet things since we were children.

 

Steve Rogers: That seems… out of character.

 

the rightful king: it actually seems entirely in character to me

 

memelord: i agree

memelord: hes such an icon

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I am bleeding from a stab wound that he indirectly caused.

 

memelord: ur point is?

 

_the rightful king added The Tony Stark._

bucky: damn

bucky: i was hoping you’d forget to add him

 

_arrow guy is online._

arrow guy: why do you feel the constant need to be a dick?

 

bucky: i believe i explained this earlier

bucky: this is what my life has made me into

 

the rightful king: omg

 

**2:26 PM**

_Falconista is online._

Falconista: God dammit I thought I was over this.


	9. Avoidance is a viable solution.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki learns what 'MCM' stands for, the chaotic trio has a slumber party, Thor is wholesome, Peter paints Thor's nails, Tony engages in avoidance, and Scott gets added into the Co-conspirators chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends i honestly dont know what im doing with my life anymore

_God of Mischief sent a private message to LORD OF THUNDER._

**3:52 PM**

God of Mischief: Is there any possibility we could get Peter and Shuri over to our house.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: No.

 

God of Mischief: That’s unnecessarily rude. You don’t even know why I’m asking.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: _You’re_ unnecessarily rude.

 

God of Mischief: Petty Brother, that’s petty.

 

 

_God of Mischief sent a message to Co-conspirators._

**3:54 PM**

God of Mischief: I told you both that it was foolish.

God of Mischief: Thor said no.

 

memelord: peter ur mcm is no fun

 

God of Mischief: His what?

 

memelord: man crush monday

 

God of Mischief: It isn’t Monday.

 

memelord: its an internet joke thing

 

God of Mischief: Ah.

 

h*ck: ok first of all dont make fun of my mcm

h*ck: second of all loki why does thor’s approval matter?

 

God of Mischief: What is that supposed to mean?

 

memelord: peter why is that ur username

 

h*ck: its a long story

h*ck: when have you ever needed thor’s permission?

 

God of Mischief: Never.

 

h*ck: exactly.

h*ck: he’s not the boss of you

 

God of Mischief: You’re right.

 

h*ck: besides you’re like a magic genius right??

h*ck: you should be able to get us over there without his help

 

God of Mischief: True.

God of Mischief: …

God of Mischief: Is this a trap?

 

h*ck: why would it be?

 

God of Mischief: I am a naturally untrusting person.

 

memelord: we’ve noticed

 

h*ck: and that’s valid loki

h*ck: you’re valid

 

God of Mischief: Yes I know.

 

h*ck: okay i try to be nice and all i get is attitude

 

memelord: this happens to you on the daily

 

h*ck: could you stop exposing me please?

 

memelord: never.

 

 

_LORD OF THUNDER sent a message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

**12:47 AM**

LORD OF THUNDER: Why are they in my house?

LORD OF THUNDER: It’s literally past midnight.

 

The Tony Stark: What?

 

arrow guy: who’s in your house

arrow guy: is it nat she likes to do that

 

scotty boy: should i be concerned??

 

LORD OF THUNDER: …

LORD OF THUNDER: I’ll just send a picture.

_LORD OF THUNDER sent an image to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

_[Image consists of Loki, Peter, and Shuri all sitting in a living room. Bags of chips, boxes of cookies, and other assorted snacks lay scattered about amidst the nail polish and piles of pillows and blankets. A movie appeared to be playing on the TV screen, but none of them seemed to be paying attention to it. They sat shoulder to shoulder while Peter was showing them something on his phone screen.]_

 

arrow guy: OH MY GOD

arrow guy: ARE THEY HAVING A SLUMBER PARTY

 

scotty boy: goals

 

arrow guy: seriously scott?

 

scotty boy: what?

 

The Tony Stark: Wow

The Tony Stark: Uhh

The Tony Stark: Do you want me to pick up the kid?

 

LORD OF THUNDER: No he’s fine do not worry.

LORD OF THUNDER: I am more annoyed at Loki.

 

_bucky is online._

bucky: what the hell?

bucky: i literally saw shuri two hours ago

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Ah yes well

LORD OF THUNDER: My brother can… teleport.

 

The Tony Stark: And you neglected to mention this why?

 

LORD OF THUNDER: It didn’t seem important?

 

The Tony Stark: Oh my God.

The Tony Stark: I feel them.

The Tony Stark: I feel the gray hairs coming.

 

arrow guy: so wait like

arrow guy: does he make portals like the wizard dudes?

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Not exactly.

 

The Tony Stark: This is great.

 

scotty boy: chill out man hes all reformed now

 

_h*ck is online._

h*ck: yeah he’s great

h*ck: check out my nails

_h*ck sent an image to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

scotty boy: omg the spider designs

scotty boy: can he do mine?

 

LORD OF THUNDER: He told me he couldn’t do designs when he painted mine.

LORD OF THUNDER: :(

 

The Tony Stark: Oh no he gives off the same vibe as Peter when he uses emojis.

 

h*ck: aw im sorry thor!!

h*ck: come here ill try making lightning designs

h*ck: :)

 

LORD OF THUNDER: You are too kind.

LORD OF THUNDER: :)

 

arrow guy: wow that was so wholesome wtf

 

scotty boy: why is thor wholesome im confused

 

bucky: wasn’t he against getting his nails painted earlier??

 

The Tony Stark: Don’t worry about it you guys.

 

_BB is online._

_BB sent an image to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

_[In the picture, the original trio from earlier still sat in the living room, but now Thor has joined the party. Peter is holding up one of Thor’s hands while he paints his nails, biting his lip and furrowing his eyebrows in concentration. Loki and Shuri still sit side by side. The picture caught them laughing at something on Shuri’s phone.]_

BB: What is even happening?

 

The Tony Stark: Okay that actually looks fun.

 

_T’challa is online._

T’challa: What the fuck Shuri?

 

bucky: i have never heard him say fuck

 

T’challa: I could not find her.

T’challa: Everyone was looking for her.

 

_memelord is online._

memelord: whoops?

 

T’challa: I have no words for you.

T’challa: But our mother does.

 

arrow guy: oh shit

 

scotty boy: run

 

_memelord added God of Mischief._

 

The Tony Stark: Great I love it when this happens.

 

God of Mischief: I sense sarcasm.

 

The Tony Stark: Well no shit.

 

God of Mischief: Rude.

 

scotty boy: so you’re the dude who faked his death just so you could stab thanos and say “i lived bitch”

 

God of Mischief: Yes, that would be me.

 

scotty boy: iconic.

 

memelord: ikr!!!

memelord: peter and i have been saying that since day one

 

arrow guy: i love how she just avoids t’challa’s threat

 

God of Mischief: Avoidance is the best solution to most problems.

 

The Tony Stark: What the fuck?

The Tony Stark: No it’s not.

 

arrow guy: oh my god tony

arrow guy: you’ve taken steve’s place

 

The Tony Stark: What is that supposed to mean?

 

arrow guy: you’re the new exasperated team mom

 

_The Tony Stark has left the group chat._

 

_Rocky Rhodes is online._

Rocky Rhodes: He literally leaves every conversation.

 

God of Mischief: He utilizes avoidance as well.

God of Mischief: That is rather hypocritical.

 

memelord: damn loki throwing shade

 

Rocky Rhodes: What does that even mean?

 

God of Mischief: I wouldn’t worry about it.

 

h*ck: oh hey loki’s back in here

 

God of Mischief: I avoided the Thanos problem for nearly six years.

God of Mischief: It worked out fine.

God of Mischief: Avoidance is a viable solution.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: You were too busy masquerading as our father and ruling over Asgard.

 

God of Mischief: And I would have remained that way had you not cleverly seen through my disguise.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: You had a giant statue of yourself built out of _solid gold_ Loki.

 

h*ck: iconic.

 

scotty boy: iconic.

 

memelord: iconic.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Great now there are three of them encouraging him.

 

_memelord sent a message to Co-conspirators._

**1:12 AM**

memelord: i say we add scott

 

God of Mischief: What good would that do?

 

h*ck: i agree

h*ck: he has the right vibes

 

God of Mischief: Oh very well then.

 

_memelord added scotty boy._

h*ck: welcome

 

scotty boy: oh hell yes

 

 

_arrow guy sent a message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

**1:13 AM**

arrow guy: so how did your nails come out thor?

 

_LORD OF THUNDER sent an image to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

arrow guy: wow those are nice

 

**7:25 AM**

_Falconista is online._

Falconista: I hate this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is starting to receive a lot more attention than i expected and it's absolutely incredible. i love you guys.  
> i've also started to notice a lot more chat fics popping up on the mcu tag. have i started a new trend or is the fandom operating on the same mental wavelength as me?  
> i would just about cry if anyone made any art inspired by any part of this work. please let me know if you draw something that came from this fic so i can give it all the appreciation it deserves.  
> hope you guys enjoyed so far!


	10. emo twink energy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony is established as the dad friend, Steve is confirmed as the mom friend, Loki gets harassed, the Odinsons destroy a Starbucks, and the retired super villain feeds his cat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my gosh guys i'm so sorry i disappeared for over a week _~~i was binge watching all of the tv show lucifer i finished it at 6 AM the other night~~_ but i am back and i will be updating regularly once again.  
>  this chapter is short im sorry please don't sue me.

_pickled peppers sent a message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

**3:45 AM**

pickled peppers: i just woke up in a cold sweat bc i realized that tony isn’t the new team mom

 

memelord: what is he then?

 

pickled peppers: hes the tired dAD

pickled peppers: steve is still the mom

 

memelord: does this mean they’re a married couple

 

pickled peppers: they argue like one

 

memelord: i really hate how that’s true

 

pickled peppers: :)

 

memelord: anyway what is up with ur username

 

_pickled peppers is typing…_

 

memelord: ur actually slow when it comes to typing

 

pickled peppers: you know i just deleted the whole story to say this

 

memelord: what

 

pickled peppers: bitch.

 

memelord: rude

 

**12:56 PM**

_LORD OF THUNDER is online._

LORD OF THUNDER: If my brother and I were to do something questionable would the rest of you turn a blind eye?

 

_scotty boy is online._

scotty boy: umm

 

_The Tony Stark is online._

The Tony Stark: What do you mean by questionable?

 

scotty boy: im concerned

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Like destroying a building, for instance.

LORD OF THUNDER: This is all purely hypothetical.

 

The Tony Stark: Riiight

 

_God of Mischief is online._

God of Mischief: Thor you idiot he’s onto us

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Shhh it’ll be fine.

 

The Tony Stark: Really guys?

The Tony Stark: A Starbucks?

 

God of Mischief: In my defense I was being harassed.

God of Mischief: I only blew out the windows.

God of Mischief: And I didn’t throw any mortals through them either.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: It was hilarious.

 

God of Mischief: No, it was traumatizing.

 

_pickled peppers is online._

pickled peppers: LOKI YOU’RE TRENDING ON TWITTER

 

God of Mischief: Wonderful

 

scotty boy: do i even want to know what happened

 

pickled peppers: well loki radiates emo twink energy

 

God of Mischief: Excuse me?

 

pickled peppers: so its not surprising he got hit on by a guy

pickled peppers: it looks like he wouldn’t take no for an answer so loki snapped

pickled peppers: the video is on youtube

 

God of Mischief: I only told him to back off.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: After that he put his hands on my brother so we both defended his honor.

 

God of Mischief: Exactly.

 

The Tony Stark: By shattering the windows and leaving a massive hole in the side of the building?

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Yes.

 

God of Mischief: Yes.

 

The Tony Stark: … Damn Asgardians.

 

God of Mischief: Actually, I’m not Asgardian.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: You’re my brother.

 

God of Mischief: Adopted.

 

The Tony Stark: Oh yeah I forgot about that.

The Tony Stark: Wait you’re not Asgardian?

 

LORD OF THUNDER: No, he’s a different race entirely.

 

pickled peppers: OH I DIDN’T KNOW THAT

pickled peppers: you look human like thor though??

 

God of Mischief: I can shapeshift.

 

pickled peppers: oh yeah!! i still think that’s the coolest thing ever

 

God of Mischief: Why thank you.

God of Mischief: I will return shortly I must feed my cat.

 

The Tony Stark: Oh yeah have fun don’t mind me I’m just paying for the damages _you_ caused.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Thank you Tony it is very much appreciated.

 

The Tony Stark: …

The Tony Stark: I don’t know how to handle gratitude.

 

pickled peppers: wow

 

_Strange is online._

Strange: Why does the Starbucks I usually go to have a massive hole in the side of the building?

 

_pickled peppers sent a link to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Don’t worry about it.

 

Strange: …

Strange: Wow.

Strange: Did you _have_ to punch that hole into the wall, Thor?

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I said don’t worry about it.

 

Strange: I literally have no words right now.

 

scotty boy: they scare me a little bit

 

pickled peppers: i think they’re incredible

 

scotty boy: so dude what is up with your username

 

_pickled peppers is typing…_

scotty boy: oh that’s a long message

 

pickled peppers: okay long story short I was talking to my closest friends from school in our group chat and im pretty sure my friend mj was high on something bc she was acting kind of weird anyway she was like “hey peter your name could work for that tongue twister” and i ofc im like “wtf are you talking about” and then she goes “peter parker picked a peck of pickled peppers” and then my other friend ned told me to change my username to something else and here we are

 

Strange: That was a rather engaging story that I did not care about at all.

 

pickled peppers: :(

 

Strange: I’m sorry that was riveting thank you for sharing.

 

pickled peppers: :)

 

_arrow guy is online._

arrow guy: my children are the spawn of satan

 

pickled peppers: does that make you satan?

 

arrow guy: sure

 

pickled peppers: cool

 

_Steve Rogers is online._

 

Steve Rogers: My children are also annoying.

 

arrow guy: you don’t have kids

 

Steve Rogers: No, but I deal with you.

 

scotty boy: holy shit

scotty boy: cap i will follow you anywhere

 

arrow guy: wtf when did you become such a savage

 

_bucky is online._

bucky: i am proud to say that it is my influence

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I still don’t understand why Loki’s cat hates me.

 

God of Mischief: You threw a stick and told him to go fetch.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Yes?

 

God of Mischief: He’s not a dog you idiot.

 

bucky: yeah that doesn’t work with goats either

 

arrow guy: or children

 

scotty boy: it works with my daughter

 

arrow guy: of course it does

 

pickled peppers: i love vali omg

pickled peppers: give him treats he’ll like you

 

LORD OF THUNDER: …

LORD OF THUNDER: Good advice.

 

The Tony Stark: Vali?

 

pickled peppers: that’s his name

 

The Tony Stark: Oh right you’ve been over to their house.

 

pickled peppers: yup

 

**1:47 PM**

pickled peppers: wow the chat died

 

**4:02 PM**

_Falconista is online._

Falconista: …

_Falconista has left the group chat._


	11. what even is peter parker?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Spider-Man's powers are weird and make everyone uncomfortable, Peter's school life is stressful, Steve curses, and Tony uncovers Thor's secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to all of you who waited the entire like four months for this i am so sorry please enjoy
> 
> they all drop a lot of f-bombs in this one so be prepared

_The Tony Stark has sent a message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes_

**3:44 PM**

The Tony Stark: What the fuck

 

memelord: what happened

 

The Tony Stark: What

The Tony Stark: The

The Tony Stark: Fuck

 

memelord: dude what the hell happened

 

_The Tony Stark sent an image to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes_

memelord: what the fuck

 

_BB is online_

BB: What is happening?

BB: Oh

BB: Holy shit.

 

memelord: hes so skinny how does he even-

 

The Tony Stark: THERE’S NO SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION FOR THIS THAT’S NOT RIGHT

The Tony Stark: FUCKING STRING BEAN PETER PARKER SHOULDN’T BE ABLE TO LIFT A CAR WITH ONE HAND

 

memelord: thats so unsettling

memelord: im unsettled

memelord: he acts so soft but he can just,,,

memelord: he could crush my skull in one hand

 

The Tony Stark: WHAT THE FUCK STOP

 

BB: Why are you more bothered by this than the fact that I can literally turn into a giant green rage monster and destroy cities?

 

The Tony Stark: Because that suits you Brucie Bear. You’re so angry.

 

BB: Thanks for that.

 

The Tony Stark: ;)

 

memelord: the winking emoticon is so much more suggestive when you send it

 

The Tony Stark: Good to know.

 

_scotty boy is online_

scotty boy: hello what the fuck

 

memelord: welcome

 

scotty boy: did i tell you guys about the time when i visited the compound and he was crawling around on the ceiling

 

memelord: wtf no

memelord: hes so fucking weird

memelord: what happened

 

The Tony Stark: Oh yeah he likes to read up there.

 

memelord: i just-

 

scotty boy: i walked into the kitchen okay it was dark like the lights were off

scotty boy: and then i turned the lights on

scotty boy: and i hear this angry hissing and i look up

scotty boy: and there he is on the ceiling clutching a quart of chocolate ice cream

 

memelord: that’s so funny wtf

memelord: what even is he

 

The Tony Stark: Was this last weekend?

 

scotty boy: YES

scotty boy: i was just there to say hi to sam

scotty boy: and now i have nightmares of a baby faced 18 year old in dark corners hissing at me

 

memelord: I CANT BREATHE

memelord: why was he hissing tho

 

The Tony Stark: He has sensitive eyesight.

The Tony Stark: Sensitive senses in general.

The Tony Stark: And he gets weirdly feral at night.

The Tony Stark: Or when you get peppermint anywhere near him.

 

memelord: BC SPIDERS DON’T LIKE MINT HAHAHA

 

scotty boy: well im genuinely scarred for life

scotty boy: hes so nice usually it was so jarring

 

_Steve Rogers is online_

Steve Rogers: You know I think he’s stronger than me.

 

scotty boy: holy shit

scotty boy: how do you know

 

Steve Rogers: He was able to keep up with me at 15 and untrained.

 

memelord: oh yeah the pissing contest

 

The Tony Stark: Can we please stop calling it that.

 

_Strange is online_

Strange: No.

Strange: It’s accurate.

Strange: More accurate than “Civil War”.

Strange: It wasn’t a war there were like four of you on each side.

 

The Tony Stark: Thank you for that input.

 

Strange: You’re welcome.

 

The Tony Stark: That was sarcasm.

 

Strange: Oh I know.

 

The Tony Stark: I hate you.

 

Strange: The feeling is mutual.

 

Steve Rogers: …

Steve Rogers: Holy shit there’s two of them.

 

memelord: STEVE ROGERS JUST CURSED

 

_Nat is online_

Nat: Stop sinning Steve

 

Steve Rogers: You guys realize that I was in the army, right?

 

memelord: are u telling me that ur wholesome reputation is just a facade

 

Steve Rogers: …

 

memelord: i bet u aren’t even a virgin

 

_Steve Rogers has left the group chat_

The Tony Stark: Shuri that was incredible.

 

Nat: I’m so proud of you.

 

memelord: thank u both i try my hardest

 

_pickled peppers is online_

pickled peppers: fuck school

pickled peppers: mr stark is it too late to accept your offer to be a full time avenger

pickled peppers: i have so much due this weekend im sobbinf

 

The Tony Stark: Stay in school kid.

 

memelord: i didn’t go to school

memelord: private tutoring

 

pickled peppers: shut up you spoiled princess

 

memelord: hey.

memelord: rude.

 

pickled peppers: fuck fuck fuck

pickled peppers: i hate senior year

 

scotty boy: oh i feel you kid

scotty boy: worst year of my life

scotty boy: college is great though compared to high school you’ll love it

 

pickled peppers: im gonna go ask my friends for answers for the homework

 

The Tony Stark: I feel like I should reprimand you but like…

The Tony Stark: I don’t wanna.

 

_pickled peppers sent a message to best fucking trio_

**4:01 PM**

pickled peppers: pls tell me one of you guys did the ap calc homework

 

mj: that’s hilarious

 

guy in the chair: dude that was your job this weekend

guy in the chair: i did the comp-sci stuff

 

pickled peppers: FUCK YOU’RE RIGHT IM SORRY

 

guy in the chair: get it done bitch

 

pickled peppers: i have legitimate tears streaming down my face right now

 

mj: send pics

mj: i love your face when you’re miserable its so funny

 

pickled peppers: fuck off mj

 

 

_pickled peppers sent a message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes_

**4:07 PM**

pickled peppers: bad news they didnt do it

 

memelord: sucks 2bu

 

pickled peppers: ihy

 

The Tony Stark: Wait

The Tony Stark: Lang you went to college?

 

scotty boy: ???

scotty boy: ofc i did

scotty boy: i have a master’s in electrical engineering

 

The Tony Stark: I thought you were like a crook?

 

scotty boy: hey.

scotty boy: rude.

 

_LORD OF THUNDER is online_

_God of Mischief is online_

God of Mischief: No Thor leave dammit I’m here to complain about you

 

LORD OF THUNDER: _You_ leave.

 

God of Mischief: No.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: You forget Peter loves me.

LORD OF THUNDER: Peter please?

 

pickled peppers: loki im sorry i cant stop myself

_pickled peppers has given admin privileges to LORD OF THUNDER_

memelord: peter stop doing that

 

God of Mischief: Peter you are a literal whore you should be ashamed.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: AHA

_LORD OF THUNDER has kicked God of Mischief from the group chat_

The Tony Stark: You know I think Thor is a lot smarter than people give him credit for.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Hush now.

 

The Tony Stark: And I think he uses that to his advantage.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Shhhh

 

BB: Oh yeah he’s actually alarmingly manipulative I think it runs in the family.

 

memelord: holy shit how did i not notice that

 

pickled peppers: im gonna ignore all that bc i love him

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I love you too Peter :)

 

pickled peppers: i feel so fulfilled right now

 

memelord: oh my god parker stop that

 

pickled peppers: i don’t wanna

 

The Tony Stark: And here we have Thor proving my hypothesis.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: I’ll have you know that I am the king of a very powerful race and I will not hesitate to have you executed for treason.

 

The Tony Stark: I dare you to.

The Tony Stark: Try me bitch.

 

_Falconista is online_

Falconista: What the fuck why can he lift a car with one hand why is that allowed?

 

The Tony Stark: We’re way past that now get with the program.

 

Falconista: Fuck off, Stark.

 

pickled peppers: oh wait you guys were talking about me earlier weren’t you

pickled peppers: my powers arent that weird?

 

memelord: dude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow okay, so i have a bunch of perfectly valid excuses for how long this took and why i died for four months i swear heres some things that have happened in my life since i last updated:  
>  \- i saw p!atd in concert  
>  \- high school is back once again with wonderful ap classes  
>  \- i have two dual enrollment classes online that i started on top of everything  
>  \- ive had at least one essay to write pretty much every week since school started  
>  \- i saw fob in concert  
>  \- i preordered spider-man for the ps4 and beat it within a week of its release  
>  \- i rewatched all of supernatural with my mom  
>  \- i lost two whole chapters that i wrote for Vindicated (my other fic) which put me off writing for a while bc i was angry  
>  so yeah thats a quick little update on my existence for the past four months. i have a shit ton due this weekend too but we'll just ignore that hahahaha.
> 
> those of you who are observant will notice that i've decided on an actual amount of chapters for this. i am planning to complete this fic within the next four chapters. however, that doesnt go to say i'll be done with this little universe completely, but i do have other projects i want to start meaning that i'm looking towards bringing this one to a close.
> 
> for those of you who have been following Vindicated as well, hopefully i'll have another chapter up by next weekend. 
> 
> (okay so people who know how to work ao3 can one of you guys inform me how you can include links to your other fics in the notes bc dammit i cant figure it out)
> 
> for those of you who played spider-man, what are your thoughts on it? ive been itching to write something for it since i put down the controller. he's definitely my favorite peter parker so far. am i the only one who's dying to read some good fics for it? who knows, maybe you'll see one pop up under my name in a few weeks. 
> 
> for everyone else, thank you for actually reading all the way through my notes that is very kind of you. i hope you enjoyed the update!


	12. What Is Even Going On Anymore™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the group chat has deteriorated into what every group chat becomes - a few messages exchanged every couple of hours and the place where ambitious plans that will probably never be seen to fruition are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize for the lateness and the shortness of this chapter. idek where i'm going with this anymore.

_starlord has sent a message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

**5:47 PM**

starlord: we should throw a massive party at some point

starlord: with everyone in this chat

starlord: + friends

starlord: you know because i realized i haven’t even met half of you

 

Steve Rogers: Oh no.

 

starlord: what?

 

Webs **™** **:** CAN WE PLEASE??

 

The Tony Stark: This is it.

The Tony Stark: Time to end it all.

 

memelord: tony stark is the spirit of a gen z trapped in the body and by the understanding of an old person

 

Webs **™** **:** i have never read anything more accurate

Webs **™** : c’mon mr stark it’ll be fun

 

The Tony Stark: It’ll be a migraine that’s what it’ll be.

The Tony Stark: And I'm offended by that whole statement.

 

Steve Rogers: I mean it would be important to know everyone personally in case of a national crisis.

 

Webs **™** : YES!!

 

The Tony Stark: I. AM. RETIRED.

 

Steve Rogers: So am I but…

 

Webs **™** : IT’LL BE FUB

Webs **™** : *FYN

Webs **™** : *FUN

 

_arrow guy is online._

arrow guy: stop being a little bitch tony

arrow guy: let’s do it

 

The Tony Stark: You guys realize that _I’m_ the one who’s going to have to do all the planning since I run the compound, right?

 

Steve Rogers: I’ll help you.

 

The Tony Stark: What do you know about planning a party?

 

Steve Rogers: Um

Steve Rogers: I’ll figure it out.

 

The Tony Stark: UGH FINE

 

Webs **™** : HELL YEAH!!

 

memelord: this is gonna be a disaster

 

 

**6:38 PM**

_scotty boy is online._

scotty boy: can i bring my daughter?

 

arrow guy: the one who plays fetch?

 

scotty boy: yep

 

arrow guy: hell yeah

 

 

**4:12 AM**

_Webs_ **_™_ ** _is online._

Webs **™** : i tried to make a new batch of web fluid and it didn’t work

Webs **™** : i regret so much

Webs **™** : my hands are so sticky

 

memelord: there are a multitude of jokes that came to mind after reading those messages

 

_Vision is online._

 

Webs **™** : holy shit i haven’t seen him online since like the first day

 

Vision: May I point out that it’s 4 AM?

 

Webs **™** : the concept of time does not alter my reality

 

memelord: valid

 

 

**7:56 AM**

_The Tony Stark is online._

The Tony Stark: Peter what the fuck does that mean?

 

 

**8:18 AM**

_Webs_ **_™_ ** _is online._

Webs **™** : you know exactly what it means.

 

 

**10:15 AM**

_Falconista is online._

Falconista: What is even going on anymore?

 

_Rocky Rhodes is online._

Rocky Rhodes: I really couldn’t tell you.

 

Webs **™** : oh hey guys what’s up

 

Rocky Rhodes: Are we seriously having an Avengers party?

 

Webs **™** : yep!

 

Falconista: We haven’t had one of those since before Ultron.

 

Rocky Rhodes: Oh yeah you’re right.

 

Falconista: Makes me nostalgic.

 

_memelord is online._

memelord: oh hey both the sidekicks are online.

 

_Falconista has left the chat._

_Rocky Rhodes has left the chat._

Webs **™** : stop doing that

 

 

**12:03 PM**

_bucky is online._

bucky: **_STEVEN GRANT ROGERS_**

 

_Steve Rogers is online._

Steve Rogers: What!?  


bucky: nothing i just wanted to see if you’d respond because you appear to be incapable of doing so on skype

 

Webs **™** : oh shit dude

 

Steve Rogers: I’M SORRY MY SKYPE NOTIFICATIONS STOPPED WORKING

 

Webs **™** : are you sure they’re on?

 

Steve Rogers: How do I check?

 

Webs **™** : it should be in settings

 

Steve Rogers: …

Steve Rogers: I’m gonna go ask Tony.

 

Webs **™** : you’re at the compound?

 

Steve Rogers: Yeah

 

bucky: so wait this party thing is actually happening

bucky: and steve is actually there helping stark plan it?

 

Webs **™** : yes

 

bucky: do i have to show up?

 

Webs **™** : yes.

 

bucky: ugh

 

 

**9:34 PM**

_BB is online._

BB: I am currently surrounded by aliens who are practically gods bawling their eyes out because of a children’s movie.

BB: This is a surreal experience.

 

Webs **™** : what movie?

 

BB: Coco

 

Webs **™** : OH MY GOD I SOBBED WATCHING THAT ONE

Webs **™** : IT MAKES ME SO EMOTIONAL I CANNOT

 

BB: Honestly, I think you’d have to be a monster to not tear up a little.

 

_God of Mischief is online._

God of Mischief: I did not cry.

 

BB: Dude I literally watched it happen.

 

God of Mischief: No.

 

BB: No?

 

God of Mischief: No.

 

 

**12:12 AM**

Webs **™** : does anyone have a will to live that i can borrow for a bit

 

memelord: sorry i don’t have mine either

 

Webs **™** : dammit

 

_Steve Rogers is online._

Steve Rogers: I literally don’t know when to be concerned anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no one even questions peter's usernames anymore


	13. ur on thin fucking ice pete

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony has a mental breakdown (but what else is new tbh), Steve says fuck, and Shuri asserts dominance only to give into Peter's true superpower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its almost winter break im crying i can practically taste it

_arrow guy has sent a message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

**3:25 PM**

arrow guy: ‘sup fuckers

 

_Steve Rogers is online._

Steve Rogers: We’re already off to a bad start.

 

_starlord is online._

Steve Rogers: And it got worse.

 

starlord: okay first of all rude

starlord: second of all aren’t you supposed to be planning a party right now?

 

Steve Rogers: Tony is laying face down on the floor.

Steve Rogers: Crying.

 

_peter is online._

peter: big mood

 

starlord: no im peter

 

peter: ive been on earth longer than you so technically im more powerful here so I get to be peter

 

starlord: shit i cant argue with that

 

arrow guy: what the hell does that even mean

 

_Steve Rogers has sent an image to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

 

starlord: you weren’t kidding

 

Steve Rogers: I wasn’t.

 

peter: big mood

 

_memelord is online._

memelord: what’s wrong with stark?

 

peter: he’s realized the inconsequence of our lives

 

Steve Rogers: …

Steve Rogers: I mean that might be part of the problem but that’s not the cause of the breakdown.

 

arrow guy: so what did cause this?

 

_Steve Rogers is typing…_

 

peter: oh man is this a whole paragraph

 

memelord: wait he’s backspacing

 

_Steve Rogers is typing…_

starlord: there he goes again

 

arrow guy: he’s backspacing again

 

_Steve Rogers is typing…_

 

memelord: i think this is it guys

 

Steve Rogers: Planning this fucking party.

 

peter: oh.

 

memelord: oh.

 

starlord: oh.

 

arrow guy: oh.

 

_scotty boy is online._

scotty boy: DID HE JUST-

 

Steve Rogers: I did.

 

_bucky is online._

bucky: oh did we travel back in time to the 1940s

bucky: i haven’t heard him say fuck since that one time he put his shoes on in a hurry bc you know we may or may not have been in the army but there was a snake in one of them and it bit his toe

 

peter: OH MY GOF IM CRYINF

 

Steve Rogers: That is not something I want to reminisce about.

Steve Rogers: Anyway

Steve Rogers: YOU WOULD THINK WE WOULD BE BETTER AT COMMUNICATING BECAUSE WE HAVE THIS MASSIVE GROUPCHAT BUT NO WE’RE NOT

Steve Rogers: **SEND ME EVERY DAY YOU’RE FREE FOR THE NEXT TWO MONTHS PLEASE**

peter: i literally don’t know what im eating for dinner tonight idk when im free

 

memelord: u do nothing with ur life ur always free

 

peter: i hate how that’s valid

 

starlord: the other day rocket stole something from gamora and i swear to god she was terrifying

starlord: it was so attractive im not gonna lie

 

scotty boy: nothing is more attractive than a woman who can kick your ass

 

starlord: exactly

 

Steve Rogers: You see this is the problem.

Steve Rogers: We try to get things done and then we go and get distracted and then nothing happens.

Steve Rogers: We have Tony sobbing on the floor because you’re all children and don’t understand how difficult it is to plan a party on a day when over thirty people are free.

 

bucky: man i thought you outgrew all this rage steve

 

Steve Rogers: There’s no such thing as outgrowing rage.

 

scotty boy: im usually free on saturdays

 

Steve Rogers: Great, thank you Scott.

Steve Rogers: When the rest of you decide to get your heads out of your asses let me know.

 

peter: damn cap

 

memelord: so peter what’s up with the boring username

 

peter: oh well some people from school who don’t know about my vigilante secret identity added me to a group chat so spiderman related usernames are now a no go

 

memelord: damn that sucks

 

peter: it really do be like that sometimes

 

_Steve Rogers has left the group chat._

scotty boy: maybe we should have picked people less dramatic than those two to plan this

 

arrow guy: none of us are less dramatic we’re all fucking superheroes

 

memelord: shit ur right

 

_Bruce is online._

Bruce: Pepper Potts.

 

arrow guy: I KNEW YOU HAD A BRAIN SOMEWHERE IN THERE

 

Bruce: Some people consider me to be a genius.

 

arrow guy: CALL HER OR SOMETHING

 

Bruce: I have seven PhDs.

Bruce: Seven.

Bruce: What I don’t have is her number.

 

arrow guy: shit

 

_Rocky Rhodes is online._

Rocky Rhodes: I do.

 

arrow guy: FUCK YEAH

 

Rocky Rhodes: But I’m not calling her.

 

scotty boy: why?

 

Rocky Rhodes: She has more important shit to do.

 

arrow guy: UGH

 

memelord: tragic.

memelord: those two disasters are supposed to be our “leaders”, right?

memelord: they’ll figure it out

 

peter: she’s right

peter: i believe in them

 

arrow guy: that’s cute

arrow guy: i don’t

arrow guy: im surprised they haven’t started fighting yet

 

Bruce: Honestly me too.

 

peter: you guys have no faith

 

arrow guy: we’re old and weary kid

arrow guy: faith is for the young

 

peter: damn

 

 

**7:53 PM**

_Help Me is online._

Help Me: I can’t believe he sent a picture of my mental breakdown to this chat.

Help Me: I have an image I need to maintain.

 

_Strange is online._

Strange: Your username is literally “Help Me”.

 

Help Me: Shhhh

_Help Me changed their username to Stark? More Like Snark_

Stark? More Like Snark: There.

Stark? More Like Snark: Image maintained.

 

_peter is online._

_peter changed Stark? More Like Snark’s username to Tony._

peter: mr stark im sorry i love you but i cant with your extra usernames

 

Tony: Wow.

Tony: You’re the one who changes their username like once a day.

 

peter: yeah but mine are reasonable

peter: yours are always so long

 

Tony: I will hack you again.

 

peter: pls don’t im just being honest

 

_memelord is online._

memelord: do u ever just hack through peter’s firewalls without raising a single alarm to flex on both him and tony stark

 

peter: wut

 

_memelord changed peter’s username to im a loser._

 

im a loser: NOOOOO

im a loser: I WORKED SO HARD TO STAY IN POWER

 

memelord: all dictatorships must fall.

 

Strange: To be fair, Peter was a fairly benevolent ruler.

 

_God of Mischief is online._

God of Mischief: I have spent more time kicked out of this chat because he kept giving admin privileges to my brother.

 

im a loser: :(

 

memelord: okay now i feel bad

memelord: …

memelord: stop

memelord: ugh

_memelord has transferred ownership of Earth’s Mightoest Heroes to im a loser._

im a loser: YES

 

memelord: ur on thin fucking ice pete.

memelord: watch yourself.

 

_im a loser changed their username to peter._

peter: :)

 

memelord: i hate this

memelord: peter parker is a manipulative little shit spread the word

 

peter: I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING

 

memelord: SPREAD THE FUCKING WORD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> superheroes stop being dramatic little shits challenge.
> 
> if you're a fan of steve and bucky's relationship (platonic or otherwise) pls check out a new oneshot i uploaded because it kind of flopped and i was also kind of proud of it whoops. i tried to insert a link to it but it wasnt working which is pretty much the story of my life. just go into my dashboard it should be the one beneath this one on there.
> 
> thank you guys for reading and i love you all


	14. If I didnt love you I would kill you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Asgardians don't know how to restart network routers, Team Red makes an appearance for future reference, Wade is a nuisance, Peter Quill is a dumbass, and Peter Parker is a disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeehaw bitches idk whats even happening with the formatting of this anymore but its perfectly okay hahahah

_LORD OF THUNDER sent a message to The Revengers (r bettr thn the avngers)._

**4:47 AM**

LORD OF THUNDER: Loki.

LORD OF THUNDER: Loki the internet is broken.

 

_God of Mischief is online._

God of Mischief: Bummer.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Help me fix it.

 

God of Mischief: It’s nearly 5 in the morning.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: You never sleep.

 

God of Mischief: That is not the point.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Loki

LORD OF THUNDER: Loki

LORD OF THUNDER: Lokiiiiiiii

 

God of Mischief: Norns could you shut up?

 

LORD OF THUNDER: Help me.

 

God of Mischief: Did you restart the router?

 

LORD OF THUNDER: No? What does that mean?  
  


God of Mischief: I have absolutely no clue.

God of Mischief: That’s what Banner says he does to fix it.

God of Mischief: Oh I have a great idea.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: What is it?

 

God of Mischief: Ask him to fix it.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: But he’s asleep.

 

God of Mischief: Then wake him up.

God of Mischief: I’m muting you now.

 

LORD OF THUNDER: You’re so mean to me.

 

 

_Bruce sent a message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

**5:05 AM**

Bruce: Can you believe that Thor woke me up at 5 AM to restart the router?

 

_peter is online._

**7:37 AM**

peter: did it work?

 

Bruce: It always works.

 

peter: valid.

 

_LORD OF THUNDER is online._

**12:42 PM**

LORD OF THUNDER: It was a serious problem!

 

 

_Daddy sent a private message to peter._

**3:05 PM**

Daddy: Hey bb boy

Daddy: How u doin 2day

 

peter: can you just

peter: not

peter: for once in your life

 

Daddy: Wat did i d

Daddy: I

Daddy: O

Daddy: Do

 

peter: that was tragic

 

Daddy: Ur life is tragic

Daddy: Add me to the avengers group chat

 

peter: there isn’t one

 

Daddy: Stop lying to me :(

 

peter: wade

 

Daddy: Peter :(

 

peter: they don’t even know you know who i am and it’s better that way

peter: and then they would think its weird that you know who i am bc you’re like thirty

 

Daddy: gASP HOW COULD ANYONE THINK THAT OF ME??

 

peter: bc it’s WEIRD wade

peter: besides im not adding you to anything with your username like that

_Daddy changed their username to_ _Wade_ _｡_ _◕_   _‿_   _◕_ _｡_ _._

Wade ｡◕ ‿ ◕｡: Add me now?

 

peter: NO I STILL HAVE TO EXPLAIN HOW YOU KNOW ME AND I REFUSE TO TELL THEM ITS BC YOU FOUND ME PASSED OUT IN A DUMPSTER WHEN I WAS FIFTEEN

 

Wade ｡◕ ‿ ◕｡: Pete u fuckin suck

 

peter: wow thanks

peter: definitely not adding you now

 

Wade ｡◕ ‿ ◕｡: If I didnt love you I would kill you

 

peter: great to know thanks

 

Wade ｡◕ ‿ ◕｡: Im finding my own way into that fucking chat

 

peter: okay have fun with that

 

 

_peter sent a message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

**4:37 PM**

peter: guys i have a confession to make

 

_Tony Snark is online._

_memelord is online._

_Steve Rogers is online._

_Ah Satan is online._

_arrow guy is online._

peter: what the heck

 

_scotty boy is online._

_starlord is online._

 

peter: STOP JOINING

 

Ah Satan: Well I figured something interesting was happening.

 

Tony Snark: Nat is that you?

 

Ah Satan: Yes ;)

 

scotty boy: why is that your username

 

arrow guy: that’s her name spelled backwards

 

memelord: i love that

 

Steve Rogers: What’s the confession Peter?

 

starlord: i have no confession

 

memelord: quill ur a dumbass

 

Tony Snark: The fact that that’s actually her name backwards is terrifying and we should take a moment of silence to appreciate this.

 

Steve Rogers: I was referring to Peter Parker.

Steve Rogers: Obviously

 

_Strange is online._

Strange: Stop being active my notifications are going off and it’s annoying.

 

Tony Snark: You can literally just mute the chat.

 

Strange: No.

 

memelord: PETER WHATS THE CONFESSION

 

peter: uhhhhh

 

scotty boy: you cant just leave us hanging

 

Steve Rogers: Tell us.

 

peter: WHY WAS THAT SO INTIMIDATING CAP PLS

 

Tony Snark: Kid just say it.

 

peter: ummm

 

Ah Satan: Peter.

 

peter: AHHHH IM SO SCARED OKAY SO BASICALLY

_peter is typing…_

starlord: wow

 

memelord: jeez this is long

 

peter: WHEN I WAS FIFTEEN I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE PASSED OUT IN A DUMPSTER AFTER GETTING HIT REALLY HARD ON THE HEAD BY THIS DUDE WITH A BAT AND DEADPOOL MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE FOUND ME PASSED OUT IN SAID DUMPSTER AND HE FIGURED OUT PRETTY QUICK THAT I WAS A KID AND HE WAS CONCERNED BUT AT FIRST I AVOIDED HIM BC YOU KNOW HE KILLS PEOPLE BUT HE STARTED SAVING ME?? SO I STARTED HELPING HIM OUT BACK AS LONG AS HE PROMISED NOT TO KILL PEOPLE SO WE BASICALLY STARTED TEAMING UP AND THEN WE RAN INTO DAREDEVIL LIKE TWO YEARS AGO AND HE JOINED US AND YEAH THAT’S A THING

 

Tony Snark: …

Tony Snark: Pete I knew that.

 

peter: w ha t

 

memelord: HAHAHAHAH OH MY GOSH

 

Steve Rogers: You guys were on the news literally last week.

 

peter: oh yeah

 

scotty boy: you guys are known as “team red” on twitter

 

peter: oh yeah

 

Tony Snark: Did you seriously think I didn’t know?

 

peter: uhhh

 

Tony Snark: YOUR SUIT RECORDS EVERYTHING YOU DO AND SENDS IT BACK TO ME

 

peter: WOW IM A DUMBASS

 

 

_peter sent a message to Team Red._

**4:48 PM**

peter: guys im a fucking idiot

 

Wade ｡◕ ‿ ◕｡: Add me to the avengers group chat ;)

 

peter: no shut up about that

peter: i forgot that social media and the news exists

 

DD: What?

 

peter: mr stark knew that we teamed up this whole time and i didn’t realize

 

Wade ｡◕ ‿ ◕｡: DOES THAT MEAN YOULL ADD ME???

 

DD: Peter you’re a fucking moron.

 

 

_memelord sent a message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes._

**4:49 PM**

memelord: can we talk about how deadpool found pete in a DUMPSTER

 

peter: SHUT UP

 

memelord: UR SUCH A DISASTER

 

peter: LEAVE ME ALONE

 

Tony Snark: I can physically feel gray hairs coming in.

Tony Snark: Is this what old age feels like Rogers?

 

Steve Rogers: Shut up

Steve Rogers: Biologically I’m younger than you.

 

scotty boy: so how’s that party plan coming along?

 

Tony Snark: Oh yeah.

Tony Snark: We’re just turning it into a New Years party.

 

Steve Rogers: Pretty much everyone will be free that day.

 

peter: will you give me champagne?

 

Steve Rogers: No.

 

Tony Snark: No.

 

peter: :(

 

Tony Snark: Not working this time bud.

 

peter: dammit.

 

memelord: rip

 

Tony Snark: I’m sending emails to everyone we’re inviting but you’re free to bring along whoever you want.

 

Steve Rogers: Within reason.

Steve Rogers: Don’t invite like thirty people we won’t be able to feed them.

 

peter: can i bring two friends?

 

Tony Snark: Yes

 

 

_peter sent a message to the best fucking trio._

**4:57 PM**

peter: guys you’re invited to an avengers new years party

peter: don’t say i never did anything for you

 

guy in the char: OH MY GOD

 

 

_God of Mischief sent a message to Earth’s Mightoest Heroes_

**4:57 PM**

God of Mischief: I  _am_  invited to this, correct?

 

Tony Snark: Unfortunately yes.

 

God of Mischief: Good.

 

peter: that’s so ominous what would you have done if you weren’t invited??

 

memelord: probably stab us all

 

peter: hahaha

 

God of Mischief: She’s right.

 

peter: oh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is ending soon, but don't worry i'm planning on doing more with this universe bc its too fucking funny. here are some options for future chats/events that i might write. you guys let me know what you want:  
> \- wade managing to get into the avengers groupchat and causing utter hell  
> \- team red in general (which is probably guaranteed to happen either way)  
> \- the revengers being idiots  
> \- guardians of the galaxy maybe???  
> \- the best fucking trio (ned, peter, and mj)  
> \- co-conspirators (loki, peter, shuri, and the most recently added scott)  
> feel free to comment anything else you want to see! we're almost at the finish line. thanks for sticking with me through whatever the hell this is. it's been quite a ride ;)


	15. A Social Function of Dysfunctional People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they have a party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck i actually had to write for this chapter and it's a mess

Peter Parker woke up with a bizarre feeling of excitement and nervousness fluttering in his stomach. He launched himself into the shower, scrubbing his hair with an intent he usually didn’t have. When he walked out of the bathroom, dripping wet with a towel wrapped around his waist, his phone was buzzing like crazy. He grinned.

 

“I still do not understand how we are going to get there on time,” T’challa grumbled, “We should have flown to America last night.”

“Have faith, Brother,” said Shuri with a mischievous smile, “While you were off doing whatever it is you do-”

“I am literally the king of this country, Shuri.”

“- I was befriending a sorcerer.”

T’challa sighed, then gave up.

 

Peter Quill frowned at his team, who frowned back at him. He scratched his head, confused. They were light years away from Earth.

“What is it?” Gamora asked.

“I don’t know,” said Quill the Complete and Utter Dumbass, “I’m pretty sure I had something I needed to do today.”

“Weren’t ya talking about this Avengers party thing?” Rocket asked, not even looking up from the battery he was tinkering with.

“SHIT!”

 

Clothes were flying, Loki was yelling, and Thor and Bruce were using a couch as cover from the dangerous projectiles. Every ten or so minutes Loki would emerge from his bedroom and engage in a bizarre staring contest with Brunnhilde. Every time she would just look at him with a raised eyebrow, entirely unimpressed, and Loki would curse and disappear back into his room.

“It’s astonishing,” said Bruce.

“What is?” Thor asked.

“He looks gayer every time.”

Thor laughed so hard he started wheezing.

 

“Why the fuck did I agree to this?” Bucky asked. He was laying flat on his back, staring at the ceiling.

“Because I asked you to,” said Steve, his face entirely unsympathetic. Bucky decided that he now hated Skype calls.

“Shut the fuck up.” Bucky slammed his laptop shut.

There was a knock on the door, and Shuri poked her head into his room.

“You should wash that greasy hair of yours,” she said cheerfully. Bucky threw a pillow at her, and when she dodged that, it was followed by another that nailed her in the forehead.

 

“No!” shouted Maggie.

“Pleaaaaaaaasssseee,” said Scott and Cassie in unison.

“Scott, you are _not_ taking our daughter to a New Years party!”

“Why not?”

“There will be adults and alcohol and she _has_ a bedtime you know! This is _not_   why we came to New York!”

“They’re the _Avengers_ ,” said Scott like that changed everything. “There are other underage kids showing up – like Spider-Man and his friends!”

Jim poked his head out from the kitchen. “Spider-Man is under twenty-one?”

“Yes!” said Scott, desperate. “Both of you can come as well! You can take Cassie back to the hotel room whenever you want!”

Maggie bit her lip, but Scott knew he had already won.

“Oh fine then.”

Both Scott and Cassie shouted in excitement like the children they were. Their joy was infectious, and Jim and Maggie exchanged grins.

 

Tony and Pepper spent the entire day yelling at each other, the caterers, and at cleaning supplies. But by the end of it, they had set up the perfect New Years party. Tony put an arm around his wife’s waist and exhaled slowly.

“This was a horrible idea.”

Pepper rolled her eyes. “Oh shut up. It’ll be fine.”

 

Sam and Rhodey got ready like normal people because they are, in fact, normal fucking people.

 

Who knows what Wanda and Vision get up to? Actually, that sounded like an innuendo and now it’s really disturbing. Don’t imagine that. Does Vision even have the necessary tools to- you know what? I’m not going to finish that sentence.

 

Bruce, Thor, Loki, and an angry-looking woman that Tony assumed was Brunnhilde all arrived together. This made sense. What didn’t make sense, was the fact that Shuri, Bucky, and T’challa were walking with them. The Valkyrie seemed to have adopted Shuri. Shuri looked delighted. Bruce looked terrified. Tony was already regretting every single fucking decision he had ever made.

Peter, Ned, and MJ were next. They piled out of the Uber they had taken (every adult who could have possibly supervised them had their own parties to attend, which was fair enough). MJ looked bored. Ned was hyperventilating.

Steve arrived less than five minutes after. He hugged Bucky, sent a nod to Thor and Tony, then went off to raid the snacks with his best friend. Other guests began trickling in afterward.

The events of the party can be broken down into a basic (long) list:

  * Cassie immediately hit it off with Clint’s kids. They ran off to go play tag and break things.
  * Peter ate most of the snacks. Ned and MJ hit him with throw pillows from the couch. Peter started choking on a cracker.
  * Thor brought Asgardian mead. Steve proceeded to get himself drunk.
  * Bucky had one drink and tried to get Steve to stop.
  * Steve didn’t stop.
  * Loki decided that drunk Steve was his new favorite person. He flirted with him.
  * Sam considered the possibility that he had woken up in an alternate dimension when Steve winked back.
  * Wanda and Vision showed up for the first five minutes and then fucked off to god knows where. Many jokes were made about this.
  * The teenagers decided it was a great time to play board games. Tony didn’t even realize he owned a board game.
  * They played Monopoly twice because they’re fucking insane.
  * In the middle of the second Monopoly game Thor decided it would be a fantastic idea to give Peter a sip of his drink because he’s a dumbass.
  * One sip of Asgardian mead was apparently enough to get Peter absolutely hammered. 
  * Stephen Strange walked in, listened to Peter rant about dogs for about five minutes, then turned around to leave.
  * All of the young children got taken home, much to their annoyance.
  * The Guardians of the Galaxy burst through the doors screaming just as the clock hit midnight.
  * Tony tried to kiss Pepper and got bowled over by Drax screaming “PARTY!!!” at the top of his lungs.
  * The Guardians are a bad influence. The responsible and mostly sober adults (Pepper, Rhodey, Sam, Tony, etc.) stood together, drinking champagne and watching the others in bemusement. Steve would normally be a part of this group, but Steve was unfortunately drunk off his ass. Tony would normally be a part of the irresponsible group, but he was fortunately sober.
  * Drax challenged Thor to an arm wrestle. He lost. He then challenged Bucky to an arm wrestle. He lost to Bucky’s metal arm, but won against the regular one.
  * Peter Quill did five tequila shots in five minutes. The irresponsible group chanted “CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!” Bruce, who had been standing amongst their ranks next to Loki, made his way back to the other group (“Okay it’s too much for me now”) who watched in horrified fascination.
  * Shuri, MJ, Ned, and Groot decided to play Go Fish. Peter, now drowsy from having consumed alcohol, was laying down with his head on Ned’s lap. Every once in a while, he would shout out what cards Ned was holding. Ned, for his part, only seemed mildly exasperated.
  * Peter arm wrestled Steve and won. Everyone lost their shit.
  * Steve hugged Bucky and burst into tears (“I love you so much you’re my best friend please never leave me”). Bucky just looked mildly uncomfortable and patted him on the back. Tony videoed the entire thing



Eventually the excitement died down. The party ended with them watching a movie together. They passed out in various piles on top of the couches and on the floor. Peter was snoozing with an arm around MJ (in a way that never would have happened had he not been under the influence of alcohol) with his face snuggled into Ned. The Guardians were sleeping in a haphazard puppy pile. Shuri dozed on a recliner chair, her feet kicked up and her chin propped on the palm of her hand. Thor had somehow made Bruce his giant teddy bear, much to Bruce’s dismay. Brunnhilde used them both as a pillow. Steve’s head was leaning on Bucky’s shoulder, and Bucky rested his head atop Steve’s. T’challa and Loki seemed to lack the need for sleep. They sat at the counter in the kitchen and had a very riveting discussion about politics.

The responsible adults went to their beds like normal fucking people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for sticking with me guys, you're all wonderful. stay tuned for more!


End file.
